changing my fate.

This happens every year, I resolve to be more present in this space at the beginning of January, and for that month I'm totally on it, writing and posting fairly often. Then it tapers a bit in February and then all of a sudden boom I'm gone, and there are one or two stray posts here for the remainder of the year. It seems like things are going that way this year too, but I'm here to change my fate in this space!

It's a little odd to think how much my life has changed since I began writing in this blog, and I mean at the very beginning when it was still Black Currant Thoughts and my blog titles were the kind of tea I was drinking while I sat writing that particular post. I was still finishing up my undergrad degree at Montreat; in fact, beginning this blog was an assignment in the computer class I had my last semester - a class I'd been putting off and should have taken my freshman year. From there I went on to a sundry of different jobs, Movie Gallery being the worst, being a nanny to four-month-old twins having the steepest learning curve, and working at Biltmore being the most fun and enjoyable - not to mention a sprinkling of photo shoots and weddings in and among those - all before Jeremy and I packed up and moved our lives to Edinburgh, Scotland for a year. Still before Scotland though I encountered my first real tragedy, a close friend from high school was taken from this world in an early morning car accident that shocked and saddened so many. Ryan's death, and that of my grandfather shortly thereafter, taught me to live each day in the knowledge that it could be my last, or the last of any of those around me - not in a depressing way, but in a way that allows me to love freely and care deeply in each moment. I hope she'd be proud of the way I'm riding my wave in life.
Then Scotland captured us with her beauty, heritage, and culture. We are so fortunate to have been able to follow our dreams and live for that year in a place like Edinburgh. It was good for our souls, our marriage, and our individual collection of experiences too. Scotland has always been part of our heritage, but now I daresay it will always be part of our own stories and our family's future as well. Our children will grow up knowing and loving that place as we do now.
We've travelled, we've moved, we've had numerous different occupations, we've had a few different family things going on, but the biggest most life-changing occurrence, of course, has to be the arrival of our own sweet Josephine MacLaren - almost a year ago now! I can't believe that next month she'll turn a year old! I cannot believe how much I've changed because of her, and how much pure joy she brings to me on a daily basis. Even when she crawls behind the couch and thinks it's a game to run away from me so I have to move the side-tables to get to her and pull her out. Even when she poops or pukes or drools on me. Even when she screams when I have a headache. I love her, with every fiber of my being and love who her presence has made me into. I love being her mum, and love watching her grow and learn and change.

So all in all, this space has seen a lot of changes and a lot of being events in our lives, and I intend to keep recording them here, even if I don't get to write as often as I'd like, I'll continue to make it a point to come back here and update. Thanks to all who have been with us since the beginning, and all our new friends and readers too. Love to you all.

Caitlin

degree.

I guess a lot can be said for the fact that I have a Master's degree, regardless of what occupations are or aren't being thrown at me because of it. It's an awesome thing that I was accepted into a postgraduate program, went to Scotland for a year, and came home having earned a Master's degree. I know that I chose my degree on what some might call a whim, but it was the culmination of years of curiosity and passion about Celtic studies. It's just frustrating not having anything substantial to show for it now. Perhaps I will in the future; in fact, I'm kind of counting on that. But part of me wishes I would have gone for something a little more practical--like Museum Studies, so that I might have a legitimate claim to having an interest in being a curator. But at the same time I hear my good friend, Ellar, talk about her MFA in progress at VCFA, and all the fiction writing experience she's getting with huge names in the YA Fiction world, and I wish I'd maybe done something like that. That's what it boils down to though. All the degrees I coulda, shoulda, woulda, all come down to the same thing: writing. I can do that with or without a Master's degree. But I have one, and one that inspires creative writing at that. I just have to do it. I need to buckle down, stop wondering what might happen if I had done something else, and realize that I have a Master's degree in Highland Studies because I'm supposed to. I have a Master's in Highland Studies, and I spent a year in Scotland learning, studying, and experiencing that culture and taking in such incredible opportunities. I don't know what I will ultimately do with my degree, but I know that I have it for a reason and I've wasted enough time wondering if I've done the right thing. I need to write. I already know that is what I am supposed to be doing. I know it--even if I doubt it sometimes. I have been given the experience and resources for some amazing stories, why don't I write them?

As a wise friend once told me: "Don't doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light."

No more doubting. More doing. More writing.

new year. new ideas.

A friend of mine just posted about her New Year resolutions, except she called them goals rather than resolutions. I liked that. I like the idea that I have things that I'm striving toward as this new year dawns, not just things that I've resolved to do, period, and then as soon as I leave off one of them I feel like a failure. These 'resolutions' or goals, are works-in-progress. And that makes them feel more doable, and makes me feel less completely worthless when I forget one day or just don't have the energy another.

I have great hopes for this year, and even bigger question marks, but bottom-line is that I know that I've been blessed beyond any bit of what I deserve, and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for Jeremy and me this year. Over the last couple days I've been thinking about some of the goals I have for this year, and have jotted down the ones I think should be mentioned, that way I can come back this time next year and not see what I've failed at, but how close I've come to accomplishing some goals and how I've blown others out of the water.


Caitlin's Goals for 2012 [in no particular order]


1. Create a budget, and stick to it.
  - I've come close to doing this one right before. I never quite got into the swing of things since we've been back from Scotland, and while Jeremy and I are both making decent money I know I need to be saving. I want to create a smart and doable budget, and really be able to keep up with it, while saving the maximum amount possible per month.

2. Quiet time every morning.
  - I've always been pretty good at finding excuses not to carve out a time each day for devotions, for reading the Bible, and spending time in prayer. Now that my biggest excuse is now non-existent (not having a regular schedule; I now work Monday through Friday 9AM to 5PM), I need to get over myself and wake up just one half hour earlier than I normally would. I know this is doable, and I know it will enrich every aspect of my life.

3. Exercise regularly.
   - Before we left Edinburgh I was consistently working out three days a week, and it felt good. I know that there are other things I'd like to do that regularly rather than working out, but I need to be exerting myself in some kind of cardio activity and muscle toning at least a few days a week. I don't know what that exercise will be yet, but in light of the 15K I signed up for in May I should probably run.

4. Eat healthier.
  - I don't eat particularly unhealthily now, but I know I need to put in more of an effort. I'd like to start juicing daily and doing smoothies (but those involve appliances that I do not have), so some kind of regular raw veggies and fruit would definitely do me good.

5. Set aside one night a week as 'date night' with Jeremy.
  - This one doesn't need to be anything fancy or even necessarily cost money, but I want us to do something once a week out of the ordinary and outside of our normal watching movies on Netflix in the evenings.

6. Play and practice my fiddle regularly again.
  - I've been depressingly negligent of my fiddle since we moved home. I've been using the excuse of its natural volume when I play and the fact that we basically live in someone's house to deter me from playing, which is fair enough. But I want to purchase a mute for my bridge and begin playing again. I've still got my ten year goal in mind.

7. Write more and write often.
  - I need to be writing every single day, period. Whether it's in my journal, on my blog, or creative writing and development for my novels, I need to be putting pen to paper, so-to-speak.

8. Work on creative writing at least three times a week.
  - You may think this falls under number seven, but I would probably find my way around working diligently on my stories if I didn't specify a set amount that I need to write per week. This is very important and I need to be writing creatively as often as possible.

9. Read.
  - I got a Kindle for Christmas (thanks, Jeremy!) and I definitely want to read more. But I also want to continue academic reading related to my Master's degree. I want to try to read some amount of something Highland Studies-ish once a week, because I think I have a while to go before truly becoming a Master of Highland Studies.

10. Begin studying Gaelic again.
  - I do not want to lose my Gaelic, and I enjoyed learning the language too much to just let it go to waste. I want to start studying up on it again, to continue learning it and to create opportunities for me to use it. Tha mi ag iarraidh Gàidhlig ionnsachadh a h-uile seachdain! (I want to study Gaelic every week.)


Bliadhna mhath ùr!  Happy New Year!



Caitlin

done and done.

I can hardly believe it, but it's true. My dissertation is officially finished and turned in, there's nothing else I can add to it or change about it, even if I wanted to--and I don't, I'm done. It feels pretty good, I have to say, though there's still the small detail of whether or not I'll get a good mark on it or not. I'm pretty certain I'll graduate though, regardless of my mark (unless I wildly fail it, which I'm not anticipating), so that's pretty cool. I'm going to be a Master of something--though to be fair, I don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable calling myself a Master in Highland Studies, there's so much more for me to learn.
Here's a little peek into what the last few days looked like for me:

Hard at work, editing and honing my argument. And adding in a key element to my analysis that I didn't consider to add until this past Monday. Whoops, haha, at least I got it all in there.

I was rewarded for my diligence when Jeremy called me to tell me to look out our window at the beautiful sunset playing on Arthur's Seat and the surrounding crags. Just breath-taking.

I finished it around lunchtime on Thursday afternoon, and opted to go ahead to get it printed that day instead of fretting and overworking it that night and standing in a queue for ages waiting to get it printed and bound at the print shop. I was rather excited to be done and see it looking to lovely and professional, hence my goofy grin.

My pretentiously long and academic dissertation title, and cover page. Hah, it's not as complicated as that title makes it sound. Ooer, but don't I sound smart?

Today with my two bound copies, ready to go turn it in. A bit more subdued than Thursday, you know, being a respectable academic or some-such nonsense, and wearing my academia (and glarey) specs.


Yep, so that's it. It's done, and all I can do is wait. Well, that, and pack and pull details together so Jeremy and I can go home in two and a half weeks. Here we come Western North Carolina!

Thanks for all your encouragement and prayers during this whole process. It's been difficult and trying, but overall it's been so good, and so good for me. And this year here has been brilliant for Jeremy and I as well, we've grown and matured and learned to appreciate one another in completely new ways. All of it has been more than a blessing.

Here's to two and a half more weeks in this amazing city, let's soak up as much as we can before we're spirited away back home.


Caitlin

contemplation over evening tea.

I sit at my computer as Edinburgh's evening light spills into my living room and down the left side of my body. The evening is cooling down from today's heat wave of seventy degrees Fahrenheit, and the clouds have come to bask in the glorious colors that always illuminate the sky at this time of day. It will still be some time before the sun decides to call it a day, but though the day lasts well into what should be night, it seems that the sunset itself stretches its own life during this time, lengthening that time between times, rather than lengthening the day or shortening the night. I have a trusty cup of tea in hand, well, near hand anyway, I can't exactly type very well (or quickly) while holding my over-sized green Ikea mug, I'm not quite that good.
My dissertation is actually coming along swimmingly, and I'm quite pleased with how well I'm staying on schedule. I'm due to finish the first half by tomorrow, which leaves me the latter half of the month to finish my first draft, and the whole nineteen days I'll have in August before its due to edit and revise, edit and revise, and edit and revise some more. I'm about twenty-two pages in, and over 7600 words down. So I really should be about half way--I'm fairly certain they're going to be pretty stringent about not going over fifteen thousand words, so hopefully I can keep it below that mark without having to exclude things I really wanted to write about. I've gone through ancient Celtic mythology, and then traversed the early Irish literature with Cúchulainn and Fionn MacCumhaill and other notable characters, and now I'm finally getting to settle down with the real meat of the dissertation, the folktales. I just read an article about folk-memory within folktales, and how important is it to remember that while these tales are entertaining and amusing to us now, they once held vital information and vestiges of beliefs and customs held by the people who so lovingly perpetuated them. To the early Celt, it was no stretch of the imagination for people to transform into animals and vice versa, it came with a great knowledge and as a way to continue learning through new eyes and new experiences. There was no rigid barrier between the human and animal forms, and in fact many animals held certain characteristics that mirrors things people saw in themselves, so it seemed not strange at all that there were those who could shift from shape to shape. I love the freedom of folktales, the innocence of imagination, the lack of that-isn't-possible attitude, where we can lose ourselves in a good story of a maiden being turned into a swan for one year, then back to her own form the next year, and a man who, having fallen in love with said maiden, turns himself into a swan to be with her. Why not? Why can't we fancy those things occurring at some where, some time, and transform our own minds from the cold scientific reality of what can only be tangibly proven.
I for one am a firm supporter of imagination, and 'what if?' stories of wonder and romantic notions of shape-shifting and things we cannot explain.
Here's to the unknown.

Caitlin

a week back.

Well, it's been a week since we returned from our fantastic trip home and things are going well. I took my Gaelic exam, at least the second half of it, on Saturday afternoon and I think I did quite well on it. We went to a great church service at our church, New Restalrig on Sunday and enjoyed a nice walk through Holyroon Park, even if it did sprinkle on us a bit. We also went to go see Thor at the Omni Center, and thoroughly enjoyed it. It's not Oscar-worthy by any means, but it was a fun and humorous comic book based film to go see on a date with my husband. On our walk home I snapped this photo of the Duke of Wellington horse and rider statue with the Balmoral Hotel in the background.

Taken with my phone.

I've also gone on a cooking kick, where I'm not only making dinner pretty much every night, but also making lunch for the both of us a few days out of the week as well. I'm on this omelette spree right now. On the day of Laurel's wedding, Christal made the both of them (since they hadn't eaten all day, silly girls) an omelette with red bell pepper, spinach, and feta cheese--and I haven't stopped thinking of it since. Today I kicked it up a notch and added quartered plum tomatoes, fresh cilantro, and a hint of lemon juice, and boy was it tasty! I've also got this Moroccan Chicken Tangine recipe that I make quite often, and did again the other night. The spices and flavors of everything together is near divine. That cous-cous is simply a store-bought instant bag boiled with chicken broth and apple juice instead of water, with dried apricots, honey, lemon juice, and sliced almonds. It's absolutely delicious.

Also taken with my phone.

The days are lasting surprisingly long already. I suppose it's not surprising for someone who has lived here during the summer, but when there's still light in the sky at 10:45PM, and the sun starts it climb back into the sky sometime between three and four in the morning and you don't expect it, it's surprising. Up in the Highlands and Islands in midsummer the sun never really completely sets, it's what's called the 'summer dim'. I honestly quite like it as one who loves sunlight, even muted grey sunlight, coming through the windows of whatever room she's in.
It's nice actually, where I was walking to my fiddle class at 7PM in near darkness only a few months ago, now I walk home from my fiddle class in plenty of light and usually able to observe a brilliant light show by the dazzling sunset. Case in point, last night:

Also taken with my phone, though I wish I'd had my DSLR.

There's nothing quite like a spectacularly bright and colorful ending to a drearily cloudy and drizzly grey day is there? Well, Edinburgh sure knows how to do that right.

I'm still plugging away sifting through books and articles for my dissertation, and it's going well, but nothing of substance to really report, other than how lucky I feel to be writing a dissertation for which I must read old Scottish tales and examine Celtic beliefs and deities relating to animals among other things.

Oh, and happy birthday to Josh Foreman and Rachel Foreman Courser!

Caitlin

the spring has returned.

I meant to write on these things soon after I got back from experiencing them, but time, it seems, never ceases to find ways to elude me and my intentions. It was this past Sunday that I finally was able to get out and enjoy what spring has brought to this city. I've been feeling it, knowing it was here for a few days, maybe a week, but I hadn't gotten the opportunity to go out and give it its due attentions. But Sunday, Sunday is a day a rest, and it was resting in the beauty and warmth that had been bestowed finally upon us here in Scotland that I intended to take advantage of. I donned a skirt, easily removable shoes, and a sleeveless shirt, as well as packing the essentials: moleskin notebook, pen, book, and music-listening device, blanket, and food and water, of course, then I trekked down to Holyrood Park and its extensive green spaces, gorgeous views, and sun-warmed patches of earth. I spread out my blanket on an appropriately unoccupied, perfectly balanced spot of shade and sun, and basked in the glory of the return of the prodigal spring. The spring cursed for leaving us once summer's warmth encroaches a little too heatedly and then again when autumn's crisp nip becomes a vicious bite with winter's arrival. But finally, that which was lost is again found and the rejoicing becomes that much sweeter for its absence and the extremes borne in that absence. I read, I wrote, and I simply reveled in the symphony of sunshine on my skin as I listened to whimsical music fit for an afternoon of such revelry. I occupied my little patch of gold for an hour or two then retired and left the spot for someone else to enjoy. With the sun still warming my face and skin, I walked the extra few minutes out of my way for the perfect finish to the first springtime frolic, a proper Mr. Whippy ice cream cone. I returned home refreshed and with a new array of very lightly evidenced freckles, not to mention on smile on my face and a satisfied sigh in my heart.

My little patch of golden springtime.

The first time these have been used this year.

The essentials.

Hoping for just a little color...

The perfect end to a perfect revelry.

Welcome back spring time! You've been missed.


Caitlin

a mountain summer.

As February plods along, and I keep spying comments from my friends back in North Carolina about how beautiful the weather is there right now, I cannot help but reminisce about last summer. The summer I thought I might be leaving the Carolina mountains for good, the summer that saw so many memories made and much laughter heard. I didn't know it then, but it was the beginning of my realization, my realization that I love those mountains, and those forests and creeks--they had become part of who I am.
I've never been a huge poetry writer, I tend more for prose myself, but last summer I was incited to compose a poem. When I did rarely write poetry it was usually about longing for somewhere I wasn't, the occasional nature poem, or something about Jeremy and me. But this came out of no where, and I had to write it down, then I honed it, perfected it, and ended up loving it. It was like nothing I'd ever written before. It's one of those poems that you've written and you vaguely recognize the people in it, the feelings, and the surroundings, but it's not quite you--it's like your life in an alternate reality, if that makes sense. A poesy-version of your life.
Well, all this talk of spring and my recent discovery of my belonging to that place has made me remember that poem, and I thought I would share with you all. So without any more explanation, here it is.

Carolina Mountain Song

I’ll keep these memories in a mason jar, this sweet Carolina summer.

We make muggy memories while sipping sweet tea that clinks with amber ice on the porch,

The glasses in our hands sweating as much as we are.

But we don’t care much because we have each other, sweat and all.           

Our salty skin sticks together in a brief embrace.

The heat may restrain the physical touch of our promises,

But cannot hinder the way his eyes linger, like a honeybee over a new flower, on my face; my chest,

Breathing, glistening in the summer sun, as a river of salt runs down my dress.

Gloaming in the mountains has descended, and we revel in her mystery.

A vividly pale beauty that encompasses every color and none at all in one glance

The mountain song wings through the trees, touching every oak and pine

That air finds its way to us and plays us her music, sweet like summer strawberries, beneath the fading light.

The sun hides her face behind the ridges, but the heat doesn’t seem to notice

Pinks and purples color the sky in shades only found on a night like this once in your life

They creep across the misty mountains with otherworldly shades and shadows.

He tucks a dark curl behind my ear and sings a song meant for only me and these mountains.

Orchestras of lightning bugs are lightening up the twilit trees against a craggy blue,

And the smell of rain is fragrant on the evening breeze.

Oh, that breeze! Our own little piece of heaven

In this humid heat you could cut with a knife.

“Well… it’s a nice night for a knife fight.”

He says in a drawl more southern than my red gingham dress.

His green eyes meet my blue ones and we laugh and sigh together

For our last sweet summer in high Carolina.

by Caitlin B. Foreman 

Well, hopefully that can tide me over a wee bit until spring really does make herself known here in Scotland, and until I can go back and appreciate the summer dusk of the Carolina mountains once again.

Caitlin

why the change?

I realize that this is the third or fourth time I've changed not only my blog's title, but theme and layout as well. You'll all be happy to know (and can point this out to me the next time I get the itch to change again) that I'm going back to my roots and will be sticking to them.
Black currant thoughts came about when I began this blog for as assignment during my undergraduate degree at Montreat College. I wanted a theme, and I drank tea, and--I still do really--drank it religiously, so I decided to write each post, cup of tea in hand, and the kind of tea I was enjoying would be the post title. Black currant was my favorite tea at the time, and I enjoyed the play on currant and current. Oh, how clever I am! Hah. Anyway, I ended up changing it because it got tiring to have to drink a cuppa each time I sat down to write, or I wouldn't have a post title. After a jaunt into themes such as 'to while away the time'--created to express my yearning to be in Europe somewhere doing what I am now doing--and 'i shelter in thy honour'd shade'--a lovely homage auld Rabbie Burns and the brilliant city in which I live, Edinburgh--I have decide that both of those seemed to limit me in what I wrote about and even the length of my posts. Going back to black currant thoughts means that I can have a cuppa if I feel like it, black currant or otherwise--a good Scottish breakfast does me right well in the mornings-- and it means that my web address makes sense again.
Adding in the bit about 'wrought by a compulsive thinker' gives me a feeling of being able to just write thoughts, whether they're here or there, large or small, fleeting and insignificant or deep and profound. And by 'compulsive thinker' I mean that I think entirely too much, about silly things, about things that aren't there and don't have any weight in my life at all, and occasionally I'll think about something worth it, something that makes me enjoy my over-active thinking muscle. I really do mean occasionally, and the term compulsive thinker is meant not an ounce of pretentiousness. Yes, I think a lot, yes, I think too much sometimes, but no, by no means are my compulsive thoughts the thoughts of a brilliantly intelligent brain. If anything, the times when I might have thoughts that could be categorized as brilliant or intelligent (not usually both at once) they are anything but compulsive.
So there you are, my friends, I hope this change will mean that I write more often, not being restrained by the need to post beautiful photos of Edinburgh, or pine away at the thought of being somewhere else.
I'm here, and I am happy.
Cheers.

a new year.

Well, here we are, it's another new year. Twenty-eleven. Doesn't it seem like just a second ago that it was the year 2000, and here we are now, closer to 2020 than 2000. I don't really think I can get my brain wrapped around that. This year past has brought many changes for Jeremy and I, and if this new year brings even half of the excitement of the last, it shall be quite a year, indeed. I will be graduating with a Master's degree this year, and we shall be deciding if staying in Scotland is in the cards for us. Decisions will be made, another move is almost inevitable, and perhaps just maybe I might be able to start a career--but who knows?
There is a little kitten sleeping in the chair next to me. No, we didn't get another pet. We're watching Jeremy's cousin Tom's cat, called Pete. He's quite cute and fun to play with, but admittedly he just makes me miss Cael. Hopefully, he's another thing this year will bring us. I'll be pursuing options to having Cael shipped over, and I hope all goes smoothly so that we may have him with us again. My brother decided to keep him for us just a little longer, and we are grateful. Though the fact that I haven't seen him in over four months now is rather painful sometimes.
I've resolved this year to put myself out there more, to make friends, and not worry about making a fool out of myself. There are so many things that I have missed out on, and will miss out on, if I continue to worry about what others may think of me. And really, I think I'm giving them and myself too much credit to assume I would be more than a passing thought in some people's minds. I live in Scotland, and I was to see it, to have adventures here, to experience it to the fullest, because I might be going back to the States in less than a year, and I might not come back. I'm young, I'm outgoing (kind of), and I have the world at my fingertips, so why not take advantage?
I will write more this year. Not including my dissertation. I will write more for myself this year.
I will take every opportunity this year to learn all that I can, within and outside the classroom.
I will love well this year, and learn how to serve selflessly, all whom I come into contact with.
I will learn to play the fiddle, and by the end of the year, attempt to play at a session in a pub here in Edinburgh.
I will look back on this year in 2012, and be completely pleased with what I have accomplished.

What are your resolutions for the year? And how do you plan on keeping them?
Oh, and since I promised. Here are some photos of our new(ish) flat on West Crosscauseway.

The lounge and library. There's a door to the right leading to the hallway.

The other half of the lounge/dining room/study

The bedroom. I would love it, if that fireplace worked, but alas, it doesn't.

The kitchen, the door into it is to the left of the table in the previous lounge photo.

Now you have a better picture of how we're living over here. Not pictured is the entry hallway which has doors to the bathroom, our bedroom, and the lounge--but it's not really exciting enough to photograph.

I hope everyone's 2011 brings them the pleasantly unexpected.  

Bliadhna mhath ùr!

Caitlin

goings-on and my yearly autumn revelry.

On any given day in Edinburgh you can have weather from grey with good Scottish rain that falls slightly to the side-like, to bright, shining sun, to blustery wind that eddies and swirls amongst the fallen leaves and back again. This wreaks havoc on a compulsive planner's nerves. Take today for example: While I was quite thankful for my black wellies as I trudged through the rain this morning on my way to class, I felt rather silly walking home three hours later in beautiful, golden sunlight, the traces of the earlier torrent nearly vanished and here I am trudging again because it's actually really difficult to get full range of movement in knee-high rubber boots. Who trudges when it's beautiful and sunny outside? This girl, the planner, the one who coordinates her umbrella and rain boots--they're just both black, so really I'm not that bad. Living in Edinburgh has been teaching me, among many other things, that you've got to roll with the punches; that you can't control everything and sometimes you might wear your rain boots when it's gorgeous outside. Hint, hint, so is everyone else who left their flats at 11AM and saw the downpour in progress before they got dressed--you're not alone.
But then there are other days, like yesterday, when everything about it is perfect. And when I say perfect I mean perfectly autumn, which is what heaven will be like in my opinion. I noticed it as I rushed to class, having dressed for the weather that had encompassed the previous two, i.e. flipping cold, and when I got to class and stripped off my scarf, glovies, coat and sweater I was still steaming up my glasses. After a good hour of Gaelic, however, my internal temperature had balanced itself, and as I stepped out of 19 George Square I couldn't help but to wander into the fenced garden that is in the centre of the square. An escape of nature amid the studious stone Georgian buildings of the square. On a crisp and sun-laden day such as it was yesterday an escape like that is a necessary part of the day. I found a bench in the center of the garden which has a surrounding wall of tree and bush that shields someone within from the constant reminder of the city, and I sat and wrote and reveled. The wind blew through the boughs, sending a flurry of autumnal color  raining down on the solitary benches and winding paths. It was one of those days when you can smell the intoxicating scent of autumn on the breath of the wind, and undeniably feel it in the crisp air. The white wisps of cloud moved swiftly overhead and the sun revealed its face through the veil of autumn cloud. Every once in a while, a fellow reveler would walk by, and the telltale crunch of the fallen leaves beneath their steps was ever-so satisfying to the ear. You know, there's something about the richness of color in the autumn leaves, the golden-brown, tawny-yellow and the occasional flourish of crimson or sugary-orange, it all makes my senses palpitate with joy and fervor for the season. Yet still, even among the richness of the autumn color there was the evergreen of the holly bush--that stalwart plant--which is one of all seasons, yet it invokes the promise of winter and Boreas' arrival, fast and fair, into this ancient stone city. As I sat, the other benches were acquiring occupants, those who, like me, cannot resist a day like yesterday and must revel in its loveliness. I did not linger there too long though, moments such as those are fleeting and someone else surely desired my place there, my reveling bench, before the colors fade and that beauty dies away.

The path I followed to my reveling bench.

Besides sitting around, slack-jawed, staring at pretty leaves, I really have been getting an education. My classes are going well and I'm learning a lot. I still feel a bit like I'm in over my head, but I know that will pass and I will conquer my fears of not being good enough or whatever other silly thoughts are forcing their way into my mind. Gaelic, or Gàidhlig, as it is in it's own language is going quite well. It's difficult, but I can feel it getting easier and the words and pronunciations coming into my mind quicker and quicker. I mean how counter-intuitive for an English speaker to pronounce pigheid like "pee-atch"? I mean really. Now that is one of the more difficult ones, and it means parrot (and possibly sometimes magpie as well) but still. It's rough on the brain. Or here's one, more of a crazy Gaelic construction than just a word, but, in Gaelic, there is no verb "to have" (why? I have no idea, we all know the Highlanders knew the idea of possession), so in order to contribute possession they say "at." Here's an example, if I wanted to say 'I have a dog' (I miss you, Cael!), I would say 'Tha cù agam' which literally means 'A dog is at me.' Of course, that sentence also employs the use of a prepositional pronoun, using 'at' and 'me', aig (the word for 'at') + mi (pretty obviously the word for 'me') becomes agam. If I were to say 'Mary has a dog,' it would be Tha cù aig Màiri, 'a dog is at Mary.' Fun, isn't it? And we learned this within the first week, so that just indicates how difficult the actual difficult stuff is. But I am enjoying it, really. It's quite different learning something because you have to, and learning something because you want to. And I want to learn Gaelic, so I have proper motivation to get through the propositional pronouns and lenition (I'm not going into that here, sorry).
My other class, The Supernatural World, is quite interesting. It explores the traditional superstitions and magical thinking that is so latent within Scottish culture, from divination to changelings and the fairies, witchcraft to the second sight among Scottish families. It's really neat to look at the folklore that comes from this area and the Highlands. I'm also doing a Approaches and Methods in Gaidhealtacht Studies which is basically seminars each week on different topics within Highland Studies that I'm interested in given by the expert in that field to give me an idea of what I might be more interested in with relation to my dissertation. I have to write essays for both of those classes then an exam for Gaelic at the end of the semester.
Jeremy is enjoying his Arthurian Scotland class that meets in Edinburgh Castle, and he's job-hunting as well. Were still enjoying being slightly touristy with sight-seeing and exploring this gorgeous city. Tonight we're going to Sandy Bells, a pub that has live traditional music every night and was the hub of the folk music revival here in the 60s, which is pretty brilliant.
Sorry I've written a novel here, I hope to update sooner next time--we'll see how that goes. I hope this post finds all who read it quite well. Until next time.

Slàinte mhath,

Caitlin

still new.

Everything is still trying to settle down. I'm through my first two days of classes and I think I'm going to have a really excellent albeit challenging year. Jeremy's now been registered to take an open class through the University called "Arthurian Scotland," which will be once a week for ten weeks--the class meets in Edinburgh Castle! How cool is that? Jeremy's been writing and reading a lot, and is planning on finding work soon, but is enjoying some much deserved time off. I've just begun reading George MacDonald's Phantastes and I am thoroughly enjoying it. I'm only about six chapters in and I can already recommend it. MacDonald is brilliant with his descriptions and word usage, the images he creates are stirring. It really is wonderful. Well, I'm off to study Gaelic till bedtime.
Oidhche mhath!

Caitlin

grey and rainy--a day for writing and wonder.

I am watching the rain fall over New Town from my third floor open and unscreened window with a cup of tea in hand. I am also listening to it fall softly, rhythmically, upon the neatly rowed Georgian houses and on the trees in the walled gardens behind them. I can also smell that rain, and it is a smell that never fails to put me at ease.
I can faintly hear the noises of the city around me, but the sights and sounds of the rain are far too captivating for me to really notice.
I find it rather humorous that of the almost ten days we've been here I chose to write here or in my journal on the only two days on which it has rained. So looking back to this time it might seem that it was raining nonstop from the time we arrived. But that is so far from the truth, it has been sunny and warm for every other day, and even cleared up to such conditions on the other day that it rained this week. I suppose it is safe to infer that I prefer to write on rainy grey days than on warm sunny ones.
This city truly is amazingly beautiful. I wish I could post photos, but I cannot until we find a flat and I can get my other computer set up. But photos there most certainly will be once we find a place. We looked at another flat yesterday, and we're really praying we get it. It's literally only about a minute's walk to my school, and wonderfully located for everything else in the city centre. We found a little coffee shop called the Beanscene just round the corner from this flat, and we sat there about about an hour the other morning just taking everything in--it was perfect. I'm so excited for our time here, and feel so blessed to be able to have an opportunity like this. I am ready for us to have a place and school to start, because it still feels a bit like we're on vacation, and I feel a bit displaced without a place to call my own.
But regardless, we're loving it here and really enjoying exploring our new home.

Caitlin

preparing.

Yesterday was quite a wonderful day. It all began with an early morning latte and writing session on the porch of Moments Coffee Shop on a drizzly mountain morning. I always love getting up with Jeremy and going into work with him. I get to sit, shop to myself, and think, read, write, and take some time for myself, for repose. Here's an excerpt from my journal entry yesterday morning: 

This grey morning is no doubt how I'll normally be greeted by mornings in Edinburgh. Lucky for me, these mornings are my favorite. There is just something about those shades of grey tinged with a golden morning lavender, and the clouds weaving their sodden way between mountain peaks, leaving a light mist to rise out of the sleepy trees.

I cannot really describe the feeling I have when I think about where we'll be in two weeks' time. It's a kind of anxious excitement tinged with a looming fear of the unknown. It's a bit like the feeling I had before leaving for college at Montreat, but magnified and shifted slightly.

It's always nice to commit my feelings to paper, it's a kind of therapy in itself, and always makes me feel better, for a little while at least.

I also went on a long walk yesterday morning with Chelsea, and my loyal pup up and around Montreat. It was nice to get out and be active, while having wonderful company and conversation as well. Montreat will always have a special place in my heart, there's just something so peaceful about that sleepy mountain valley that never ceases to ease my fears and anxieties for a time.

Chelsea and I also decided to do a bit of shopping yesterday afternoon as well, and I found my school bag. The school bag for this coming year that I have been searching for for months now. Something that's not a backpack and not a laptop bag either, but something that will carry both my mini-computer and a few books as well as double as a purse. Not only did I find this bag, it's also bright green--which is perfect. It has plenty of room and many useful pockets, as well as a little change purse that is attached, which is perfect because so much of the money I'll be carrying around will be coins. It also comes with a little umbrella with a pocket for said umbrella, which I'll most definitely be needing on occasion in Scotland. It's perfect, and I'm so glad I got it.

I also received my new glasses in the mail yesterday. I've always wanted some tortoise shell glasses and I finally ordered some at the beginning of August and got them in the mail yesterday. They're quite scholarly, and seem to perfectly fit the coming chapter of my life. They totally make me look smarter. :) Heehee.

Yesterday evening was also wonderful for I was able to spend it with some of my best friends that I made at Biltmore this past year. Incidentally they are some of the people I trained with last year, and we've been close ever since. Marcy had us over for beer, guacamole (with salt!), and delicious burgers on the grill. Marcy and her husband, Bob, were of course there, Jeremy and I, and Fred was there as well. It was great to get together and talk and joke around again. I'll surely miss them all. 

Marcy had also gotten me some earrings that I've been wanting since training last year. At Biltmore, within Antler Hill Farm is a blacksmith named Doc Cudd. He is absolutely amazing, so if you're ever there you must go see him. But he makes this little leaf earrings, by hand, and they're incredibly beautiful and unique. Everyone loves them so much and as soon as he makes them, they're off the shelves, and I haven't been able to get any this whole year. Marcy, amazing lady that she is, managed to get a pair for me (and for herself as well), and I'm so excited about them. Fred made me a CD of some songs from when he was in the Marine Band and went to the Mountbatten Festival of Music in London in 1992 and played with the Royal Marines and some awesome bagpipers, plus some Loreena McKennitt, which you can never go wrong putting on a CD for me. The first song playing on my player down below is one that he gave me, though performed by a different bagpiper--I couldn't get the actual songs he gave me on the playlist. But yet another perfect gift!

I am blessed with wonderful friends, and will miss them all dearly.

Caitlin

i shelter in thy honour'd shade.

Well, the time has most certainly been whiled away, and we leave in just about two weeks for Edinburgh. (How crazy is that?!) It is time for me to shift to the new phase of my blog, since it will be used primarily to keep up with friends and family no longer near us, and to chronicle our adventures in Scotland. I found the above silhouette of the skyline of Edinburgh which included Edinburgh Castle and St. Giles Cathedral and thought it appropriate to welcome all my readers and crown my writings from now on. The title of my blog and also that of this post is the last line of the stanza that opens and closes the address Robert Burns wrote about Edinburgh. I've created a page that explains this as well, called 'name.' at the top of my blog, but I will also post the original poem here. It's beautiful, and made me love Robbie Burns all the more. The poem in it's entirety is as follows.

Address to Edinburgh
Robert Burns, 1786

Edina! Scotia's darling seat!
All hail thy palaces and tow'rs,
Where once, beneath a Monarch's feet,
Sat Legislation's sov'reign pow'rs:
From marking wildly scatt'red flow'rs,
As on the banks of Ayr I stray'd,
And singing, lone, the lingering hours,
I shelter in thy honour'd shade.

Here Wealth still swells the golden tide,
As busy Trade his labours plies;
There Architecture's noble pride
Bids elegance and splendour rise:
Here Justice, from her native skies,
High wields her balance and her rod;
There Learning, with his eagle eyes,
Seeks Science in her coy abode.

Thy sons, Edina, social, kind,
With open arms the stranger hail;
Their views enlarg'd, their liberal mind,
Above the narrow, rural vale:
Attentive still to Sorrow's wail,
Or modest Merit's silent claim;
And never may their sources fail!
And never Envy blot their name!

Thy daughters bright thy walks adorn,
Gay as the gilded summer sky,
Sweet as the dewy, milk-white thorn,
Dear as the raptur'd thrill of joy!
Fair Burnet strikes th' adoring eye,
Heaven's beauties on my fancy shine;
I see the Sire of Love on high,
And own His work indeed divine!

There, watching high the least alarms,
Thy rough, rude fortress gleams afar;
Like some bold veteran, grey in arms,
And mark'd with many a seamy scar:
The pond'rous wall and massy bar,
Grim-rising o'er the rugged rock,
Have oft withstood assailing war,
And oft repell'd th' invader's shock.

With awe-struck thought, and pitying tears,
I view that noble, stately Dome,
Where Scotia's kings of other years,
Fam'd heroes! had their royal home:
Alas, how chang'd the times to come!
Their royal name low in the dust!
Their hapless race wild-wand'ring roam!
Tho' rigid Law cries out 'twas just!

Wild beats my heart to trace your steps,
Whose ancestors, in days of yore,
Thro' hostile ranks and ruin'd gaps
Old Scotia's bloody lion bore:
Ev'n I who sing in rustic lore,
Haply my sires have left their shed,
And fac'd grim Danger's loudest roar,
Bold-following where your fathers led!

Edina! Scotia's darling seat!
All hail thy palaces and tow'rs;
Where once, beneath a Monarch's feet,
Sat Legislation's sovereign pow'rs:
From marking wildly-scatt'red flow'rs,
As on the banks of Ayr I stray'd,
And singing, lone, the ling'ring hours,
I shelter in thy honour'd shade.

accepted.

I thought I would post my entrance essay from my application to the University of Edinburgh for the Master's programme in Highland Studies. I'm rather fond of it. Oh, and the Celtic Festival this past weekend was brilliant, albeit quite hot. But great company all round, fiery fiddlers, and bullfrog bagpipers.

Why Highland Studies?

I was sixteen when I first set foot in the British Isles—in Ireland to be specific. Consequentially, Ireland is and will always be my first love. It was among the colored doors and cobbled streets of Dublin that my love began to grow, and in the rolling, sheep-dotted countryside of that emerald isle that it was solidified. Spending time with the people soon thereafter intensified even more so my belonging to the land, with my sarcasm and dry wit so readily accepted and returned. Soon after realizing that the majority of my family’s heritage came from all corners of both isles, the best-received compliment anyone could pay me, with my dark curls and blue eyes, was, “you look Irish.” Having been keenly interested in all things Irish for quite sometime, I met my now husband my first year in college. Said husband is decidedly Scottish in his own heritage, right down to his flaming red beard and strongly stout Scottish build; not to mention a certain penchant for Glenfiddich, that, and a stubbornness rarely seen this side of a mule. Slowly I began to realize that while Ireland’s hold upon my heart was steadfast, that did not mean there was not room for another passion to stake its own claim there—another passion that seemed so similar to the first that they might just simply stop being first and second and become just one large Celtic entity entwining my heart within its intricate knot work. I now realize that my love and passion for Ireland can be just as easily translated into love and passion for Scotland as well. I can just as effortlessly imagine myself getting lost amidst the culture, music, language, and heritage of Scotland as I have Ireland, in fact all those things seem to become more parallel the further back into history one travels. That being said, the nuances in these cultures also interest me, and I intend on not only studying Highland history and culture, but also later on going to study the Irish equivalent as well. But for now, it is the Scottish call that is stronger, buttressed with the heartrending cries of the pipes, those that stir my very core to its cause. Because, while my soul might be emerald green, my heart is tartan-clad.

But what is it about the Celtic people that draws me so? As I sat, hands poised over the keyboard, thinking about the best and most truthful way to answer this question, I realized that the same thing that kept me from completely putting into words the way I feel about the history of the isles is the answer to the question. It’s the mystery. It’s the stone circles scattered across the land, and the way that I cannot quite disbelieve the mysterious and magical things said to happen there. It’s the way I could never explain to my friends when I came home just how much I was changed by setting foot in Ireland. It’s the way my chest tightens when I see photographs of the land. I want that feeling and change and mystery to be so much more than part of who I am, I want it to be what I do.

A formal education, I feel, would extend my passion into something tangible, something concrete, something more than just an interest or hobby. As a writer, and one highly influenced by Celtic culture, a deep knowledge of the subject would be invaluable. As an eventual mother, I would be able to instill in my children the love and appreciation of their heritage even more so. And as a teacher, either formally or informally, my knowledge would help those searching and yearning, as I am now, finally find something to which to holdfast.

as promised.

I am updating this morning because I realize that I am in dire need of it, not because I have come prepared with stories, tales and photographs with which to regale my readers. I'll probably put up a photo post within the next few days to supplement this one, since this one will be photo-less.
Anyway, many things have gone on since my last post, my birthday, Jeremy's birthday, springtime arriving, tulips, a day frolicking at Biltmore with Chelsea (yes, we frolicked.) Among other things. Photos shall be posted, never fear. When though, that might be a tricky part.
My birthday was nice, full of family, friend, and red velvet cake. Jeremy's birthday was much the same, except cheesecake with fresh strawberries instead. Spring has most indubitably sprung, and I love it. Flowers are exuberantly beautiful and the trees are resplendent in new green. Festival of Flowers is well upon us at Biltmore and the tulips have just finished in a flourish and the snapdragons and foxgloves are in their stead. It's beautifully inspiring, the house, the gardens, the ground. I've written four poems in as many days, and begun a new novel. Which is all rather exciting, even if I'll probably not finish the novel, and not do anything with the poems. But writing for myself is enough for me, and that's important as a writer I think.
Edinburgh draws ever nearer as I have just purchased my plane ticket to fly over on September 1 (gasp!). Jeremy will probably be following me over in early October with Cael. We'll try to see if he can come earlier, but things aren't for sure yet--I'll be calling the airline this week. So it's official, we're definitely going. I've started some online Scots-Gaelic lessons so I'll have some background when I start school.
I've also gotten a promotion at work, more responsibility, new places to work, and a raise which is nice for my morale, and for my Scotland savings-fund. Hurrah!
I'm sure there's probably more to say, but I'll have to add it later, maybe in my photo post. Talk to you chumlie-wumlies later.

Mar sin leibh!

more or less change.

It's another Saturday, and we're already six days into February 2010. I seriously cannot believe how quickly time passes. Jeremy and I will have been married three years this year, and together for five. Cael just turned two, I'll be twenty-three and Jeremy twenty-nine. I'm graduated from college, for over a year now, and looking toward graduate school. It's been almost six years since I've been part of a swim team, and four since I've been in any sort of theatrical production. Things have changed, people are missed, people are gone, and more people have entered my life. Though much has changed, and it's odd to think about--thinking about the things that haven't changed can be eye-opening as well. I'm still a writer, and an artist. Though my mediums have shifted a bit, I haven't painted since 2006--though I do want that to change. Photography is still prevalent in my life. I knit, crochet, and sew now, things that I've always wanted to be good at. I still love reading, and getting lost in worlds and places in which I've never set foot. I love reading words, and thinking to myself, "I want to make readers feel this way about my characters, about my story one day." I still love God, love my husband, and love my dog. And I still love Ireland and all things Celtic--Scotland will be added to that list soon, Lord willing.
Jeremy and I have both submitted our applications to the University of Edinburgh, and now all we have to do it wait. Wait for God's will to be done. Waiting is harder than I anticipated. I think having control over a situation, like filling out an application, is easier than waiting for someone else to do their part before you can have an answer, like references or even the university itself. It's hard not to imagine us in Edinburgh later this year, whereas before I had a hard time actually imagining us there. That's encouraging, albeit frightening.
Chelsea's love, Andrew, is home for R&R from Afghanistan right now, and it is so absolutely wonderful to see them together again. That is another change. They are together, and reveling not only in their love for each other, but appreciating every touch and word they get to say to each other's faces, instead of on a page or screen. Appreciating the simple things experienced together.
The snow here has been almost unabated since it began. It's cold tendrils freezing everything in its path, making the everyday things like going to work treacherous. Yet, as the snow falls delicately to the ground, and the trees shimmer in their icy garb, I cannot help but simply appreciate its beauty. (It helps that I can stay home all day, not having to venture out.)
I'm still at Biltmore, though that could slightly change soon as well. Well, I'd still be at Biltmore, but I've applied for another position there. The Design Specialist position with the Biltmore Legacy would include hands-on creativity and design, incorporating Biltmore's history and family stories, as well as implementing advertising for the Biltmore For Your Home line. I'd be creating displays and talking with guests about the history of Biltmore, and other such fun stuff. Sounds right down my alley, huh? We'll see, I'll keep you posted.
So it seems that while change can be frightening and inconvenient at times, it is that change that we love to remember, and that change that shapes who we are. Change is inevitable and always imminent, just embrace it and remember from whence you've come.

One more thing. Just to remind you, in case you've forgotten-- I do, most unequivocally, still love hot tea.

Contemplatively,

Caitlin

20k milestone.

I just reached the 20,000 word milestone in my novel. I started with 10,000, so I've only written about that much, but with Candlelight season upon us at Biltmore and everything else I have going on I'm pretty proud of myself. :)
Here's the cover art I've designed for The Chancellor's Daughter.

Hopefully, I'll be able to update again soon.

i think i'll give it a try.

Wish me luck.