one year.

This past Wednesday was a big day. My little baby, my beautiful and sweet girl turned one! I cannot believe how quickly that year flew by, and here I am, a mother to a one-year-old. She has such a precious heart and a sweet disposition, and she's funny too! She's silly and loves to play around and have books read to her. She's almost walking - she easily could be by now, but she's a careful one and won't do it till she's sure she won't fall-- any day now though! She babbles up a storm all the time, and says 'Da-da' and 'Da-dee' regularly - only sometimes though is she actually calling for her Daddy. She's eating food now -- I'm making it all for her-- and her favorites include strawberries and sweet potatoes. She loves going for walks in Montreat, and I can't wait to show her how to play in the creeks this summer. Her Nana and Major were in town for her big day and she loved playing with them and being held by them, and having books read to her - not sure who enjoyed it more actually.

I am blessed daily in the knowledge that she is my daughter, and that I was picked specifically to be her mum. She is learning and growing every single day and I am so glad that I am able to be home with her and not miss a single minute of it. I have loved so much being a mother to Josie, and I am so excited to see with what else (and who else) God is going to bless our family.

Her birthday was full of love and family - she shares her day with her daddy, which is so special! She opened some presents smashed some whipped cream and fruit, and generally just made everyone happy-- she's great at that. She was tired, but so sweet the whole day. I just can't get over what an amazing disposition she has. I know God has big plans for this little girl, and I'm so honored to part of her life.

changing my fate.

This happens every year, I resolve to be more present in this space at the beginning of January, and for that month I'm totally on it, writing and posting fairly often. Then it tapers a bit in February and then all of a sudden boom I'm gone, and there are one or two stray posts here for the remainder of the year. It seems like things are going that way this year too, but I'm here to change my fate in this space!

It's a little odd to think how much my life has changed since I began writing in this blog, and I mean at the very beginning when it was still Black Currant Thoughts and my blog titles were the kind of tea I was drinking while I sat writing that particular post. I was still finishing up my undergrad degree at Montreat; in fact, beginning this blog was an assignment in the computer class I had my last semester - a class I'd been putting off and should have taken my freshman year. From there I went on to a sundry of different jobs, Movie Gallery being the worst, being a nanny to four-month-old twins having the steepest learning curve, and working at Biltmore being the most fun and enjoyable - not to mention a sprinkling of photo shoots and weddings in and among those - all before Jeremy and I packed up and moved our lives to Edinburgh, Scotland for a year. Still before Scotland though I encountered my first real tragedy, a close friend from high school was taken from this world in an early morning car accident that shocked and saddened so many. Ryan's death, and that of my grandfather shortly thereafter, taught me to live each day in the knowledge that it could be my last, or the last of any of those around me - not in a depressing way, but in a way that allows me to love freely and care deeply in each moment. I hope she'd be proud of the way I'm riding my wave in life.
Then Scotland captured us with her beauty, heritage, and culture. We are so fortunate to have been able to follow our dreams and live for that year in a place like Edinburgh. It was good for our souls, our marriage, and our individual collection of experiences too. Scotland has always been part of our heritage, but now I daresay it will always be part of our own stories and our family's future as well. Our children will grow up knowing and loving that place as we do now.
We've travelled, we've moved, we've had numerous different occupations, we've had a few different family things going on, but the biggest most life-changing occurrence, of course, has to be the arrival of our own sweet Josephine MacLaren - almost a year ago now! I can't believe that next month she'll turn a year old! I cannot believe how much I've changed because of her, and how much pure joy she brings to me on a daily basis. Even when she crawls behind the couch and thinks it's a game to run away from me so I have to move the side-tables to get to her and pull her out. Even when she poops or pukes or drools on me. Even when she screams when I have a headache. I love her, with every fiber of my being and love who her presence has made me into. I love being her mum, and love watching her grow and learn and change.

So all in all, this space has seen a lot of changes and a lot of being events in our lives, and I intend to keep recording them here, even if I don't get to write as often as I'd like, I'll continue to make it a point to come back here and update. Thanks to all who have been with us since the beginning, and all our new friends and readers too. Love to you all.

Caitlin

seasons.

It's funny, we all long for the spring when we're in the frigid dead of winter, and for the crisp coolness of autumn when we're in the dog days of summer, and some of us even say "I'd be happy if it were always spring." I've heard myself say it before, but the more I think on it the more I realize and understand the beauty of seasons. Would we appreciate that crisp autumnal beauty without the lush heat and sun of summer, or the blooming life and new green buds of springtime without the harshness of winter? Probably not nearly as much, it's winter's bite that makes spring's thaw that much more beautiful and welcome, to say nothing of the anticipation of summer as we eye our neglected sandals and sundresses in March, wondering how many more weeks we'll have to wait till they will be worn again. The anticipation makes the arrival of the seasons of warmth and beauty so exciting, and engenders our utmost appreciation.

It's the same in the seasons of life we go through. The trials are paramount to being thankful for the blessings, and indeed, are part of the blessings themselves sometimes. I sit here on a Saturday morning, coffee mug nearly empty beside me and I am thankful for the season in which we find ourselves. It is a season of transition now - that time when the days are whispering and hinting of the coming springtime, but the nights are still firmly rooted in winter's chilly grip. Yesterday was my last day at Montreat; my full-time job is officially over and I am no longer tethered to a computer during the weekdays. Praise God for the springtime that is imminent! But I sit here, just Josie, me and the dog lying at my feet, because Jeremy is still plying away, working hard to continue to provide for us at McDonald's. And praise God for the winter that reminds us of His provision. It is this season, this time and that before it, that will always let us remember and appreciate from where we have come. To remember that the blessings we enjoy are not to be taken for granted -- we must remember the winter, for only in our remembrance can we truly enjoy and bask in the sunshine and verdancy of the springtime that comes after.

And so I sit here, thankful for the winter through which we are navigating and even more so for the warmth of spring and summer for which our course has been set. I revel in His blessings, even in the winter - I will not doubt in the dark, or in the boreal climes, what He has shown us in the light and warmth.

summer on the mountain.

let the songs begin again.

It is the first day of a brand new year, and I can hardly believe that it is 2014. Not only that, but I have been married for six and a half years now, and I have an eight and a half month old daughter. When did I become such a grown up? I feel like it was just the other day that I pulled up onto the campus of Montreat College, full of excitement and anticipation of being in college and away from home. Fast forward nearly ten years (what?!) and a lot has changed, but I'm feeling a similar excitement and anticipation roiling again in the pit of my stomach for what this year will bring, and I feel a grin spread across my face at the knowledge that it will be very good, indeed.

Some of you may know that I began a venture this past year with my sister-in-law, Christal, called Arbonne. I was the biggest skeptic at the beginning, having already tried and hated network marketing, but there was something different about this company and Christal convinced me to just see if it might be a fit for me. With the encouragement of her, and my other upline friends, I jumped in with both feet and have been sometimes stumbling, sometimes sprinting, and sometimes crawling toward my dreams these past seven or eight months. Today, my dreams have become that much more attainable and some have already been realized. Today, I am officially an Area Manager with Arbonne and I only have two weeks left of my regular full-time job [and Christal is a Regional Vice President now!] This means a number of things for me: the most important of which is that I am officially a stay-at-home mom for my beautiful daughter, Josie - this alone is cause for the utmost rejoicing and tears of joy; the second thing that this means though, is that writing will now be pushed back up to the forefront of my daily tasks alongside mothering the most adorable and happy-go-lucky eight-month-old. While cleaning up my office/library/craft room today I found my original action plan from my first month in Arbonne and I got to reread the WHYs that I put to paper when first embarking on this journey. Intermingled with the staying at home wishes and financially free plans I found this: "I want to write. Hands down, I know that's what I was created to do." And that's what I plan on doing. I plan to write something every single day, whether it's here in this space, in my personal pen and ink journal, or on my novel that has been ever gnawing on my mind these past months; I will write. And this makes me so incredibly happy. God is so good, and He truly provides the desires of our hearts. I am in awe at his grace and mercies every day and to Him I give all the glory and credit for my current dreams-coming-true state.

Let there be songs on this mountain once again!

degree.

I guess a lot can be said for the fact that I have a Master's degree, regardless of what occupations are or aren't being thrown at me because of it. It's an awesome thing that I was accepted into a postgraduate program, went to Scotland for a year, and came home having earned a Master's degree. I know that I chose my degree on what some might call a whim, but it was the culmination of years of curiosity and passion about Celtic studies. It's just frustrating not having anything substantial to show for it now. Perhaps I will in the future; in fact, I'm kind of counting on that. But part of me wishes I would have gone for something a little more practical--like Museum Studies, so that I might have a legitimate claim to having an interest in being a curator. But at the same time I hear my good friend, Ellar, talk about her MFA in progress at VCFA, and all the fiction writing experience she's getting with huge names in the YA Fiction world, and I wish I'd maybe done something like that. That's what it boils down to though. All the degrees I coulda, shoulda, woulda, all come down to the same thing: writing. I can do that with or without a Master's degree. But I have one, and one that inspires creative writing at that. I just have to do it. I need to buckle down, stop wondering what might happen if I had done something else, and realize that I have a Master's degree in Highland Studies because I'm supposed to. I have a Master's in Highland Studies, and I spent a year in Scotland learning, studying, and experiencing that culture and taking in such incredible opportunities. I don't know what I will ultimately do with my degree, but I know that I have it for a reason and I've wasted enough time wondering if I've done the right thing. I need to write. I already know that is what I am supposed to be doing. I know it--even if I doubt it sometimes. I have been given the experience and resources for some amazing stories, why don't I write them?

As a wise friend once told me: "Don't doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light."

No more doubting. More doing. More writing.

new year. new ideas.

A friend of mine just posted about her New Year resolutions, except she called them goals rather than resolutions. I liked that. I like the idea that I have things that I'm striving toward as this new year dawns, not just things that I've resolved to do, period, and then as soon as I leave off one of them I feel like a failure. These 'resolutions' or goals, are works-in-progress. And that makes them feel more doable, and makes me feel less completely worthless when I forget one day or just don't have the energy another.

I have great hopes for this year, and even bigger question marks, but bottom-line is that I know that I've been blessed beyond any bit of what I deserve, and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for Jeremy and me this year. Over the last couple days I've been thinking about some of the goals I have for this year, and have jotted down the ones I think should be mentioned, that way I can come back this time next year and not see what I've failed at, but how close I've come to accomplishing some goals and how I've blown others out of the water.


Caitlin's Goals for 2012 [in no particular order]


1. Create a budget, and stick to it.
  - I've come close to doing this one right before. I never quite got into the swing of things since we've been back from Scotland, and while Jeremy and I are both making decent money I know I need to be saving. I want to create a smart and doable budget, and really be able to keep up with it, while saving the maximum amount possible per month.

2. Quiet time every morning.
  - I've always been pretty good at finding excuses not to carve out a time each day for devotions, for reading the Bible, and spending time in prayer. Now that my biggest excuse is now non-existent (not having a regular schedule; I now work Monday through Friday 9AM to 5PM), I need to get over myself and wake up just one half hour earlier than I normally would. I know this is doable, and I know it will enrich every aspect of my life.

3. Exercise regularly.
   - Before we left Edinburgh I was consistently working out three days a week, and it felt good. I know that there are other things I'd like to do that regularly rather than working out, but I need to be exerting myself in some kind of cardio activity and muscle toning at least a few days a week. I don't know what that exercise will be yet, but in light of the 15K I signed up for in May I should probably run.

4. Eat healthier.
  - I don't eat particularly unhealthily now, but I know I need to put in more of an effort. I'd like to start juicing daily and doing smoothies (but those involve appliances that I do not have), so some kind of regular raw veggies and fruit would definitely do me good.

5. Set aside one night a week as 'date night' with Jeremy.
  - This one doesn't need to be anything fancy or even necessarily cost money, but I want us to do something once a week out of the ordinary and outside of our normal watching movies on Netflix in the evenings.

6. Play and practice my fiddle regularly again.
  - I've been depressingly negligent of my fiddle since we moved home. I've been using the excuse of its natural volume when I play and the fact that we basically live in someone's house to deter me from playing, which is fair enough. But I want to purchase a mute for my bridge and begin playing again. I've still got my ten year goal in mind.

7. Write more and write often.
  - I need to be writing every single day, period. Whether it's in my journal, on my blog, or creative writing and development for my novels, I need to be putting pen to paper, so-to-speak.

8. Work on creative writing at least three times a week.
  - You may think this falls under number seven, but I would probably find my way around working diligently on my stories if I didn't specify a set amount that I need to write per week. This is very important and I need to be writing creatively as often as possible.

9. Read.
  - I got a Kindle for Christmas (thanks, Jeremy!) and I definitely want to read more. But I also want to continue academic reading related to my Master's degree. I want to try to read some amount of something Highland Studies-ish once a week, because I think I have a while to go before truly becoming a Master of Highland Studies.

10. Begin studying Gaelic again.
  - I do not want to lose my Gaelic, and I enjoyed learning the language too much to just let it go to waste. I want to start studying up on it again, to continue learning it and to create opportunities for me to use it. Tha mi ag iarraidh Gàidhlig ionnsachadh a h-uile seachdain! (I want to study Gaelic every week.)


Bliadhna mhath ùr!  Happy New Year!



Caitlin

done and done.

I can hardly believe it, but it's true. My dissertation is officially finished and turned in, there's nothing else I can add to it or change about it, even if I wanted to--and I don't, I'm done. It feels pretty good, I have to say, though there's still the small detail of whether or not I'll get a good mark on it or not. I'm pretty certain I'll graduate though, regardless of my mark (unless I wildly fail it, which I'm not anticipating), so that's pretty cool. I'm going to be a Master of something--though to be fair, I don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable calling myself a Master in Highland Studies, there's so much more for me to learn.
Here's a little peek into what the last few days looked like for me:

Hard at work, editing and honing my argument. And adding in a key element to my analysis that I didn't consider to add until this past Monday. Whoops, haha, at least I got it all in there.

I was rewarded for my diligence when Jeremy called me to tell me to look out our window at the beautiful sunset playing on Arthur's Seat and the surrounding crags. Just breath-taking.

I finished it around lunchtime on Thursday afternoon, and opted to go ahead to get it printed that day instead of fretting and overworking it that night and standing in a queue for ages waiting to get it printed and bound at the print shop. I was rather excited to be done and see it looking to lovely and professional, hence my goofy grin.

My pretentiously long and academic dissertation title, and cover page. Hah, it's not as complicated as that title makes it sound. Ooer, but don't I sound smart?

Today with my two bound copies, ready to go turn it in. A bit more subdued than Thursday, you know, being a respectable academic or some-such nonsense, and wearing my academia (and glarey) specs.


Yep, so that's it. It's done, and all I can do is wait. Well, that, and pack and pull details together so Jeremy and I can go home in two and a half weeks. Here we come Western North Carolina!

Thanks for all your encouragement and prayers during this whole process. It's been difficult and trying, but overall it's been so good, and so good for me. And this year here has been brilliant for Jeremy and I as well, we've grown and matured and learned to appreciate one another in completely new ways. All of it has been more than a blessing.

Here's to two and a half more weeks in this amazing city, let's soak up as much as we can before we're spirited away back home.


Caitlin

four years later.

It was four years ago today that I made the best decision of my life.
It was four years ago today that I embarked on a journey full of love, laughter, tears, and life.
It was four years ago today that I married my best friend.
It was four years ago today that I married Jeremy Edmund Foreman.

I am so blessed to have spent these past four years being married to the love of my life, my best friend, my sweetheart, my one choice of the men on this earth. I will carry his heart with mine for all of my life in this world and beyond it. 


Here's a look back on our anniversaries past:

Year One. With our sweet pup, Cael.

Year Two. At Craggy Pinacle.

Year Three. At Biltmore Estate.

Year Four. In Dollar Glen on the way to Castle Campbell.

Our anniversaries just keep getting better and better. I can't wait to see what year five has in store for us. I love you, Jeremy, thanks for loving me back so well. 


Our day in Dollar Glen and the hike up to Castle Campbell was some of the most fun and jaw-dropping beauty I've had and seen here--which is saying something. It was amazing to spend it with the one person I really ever want to spend those moments with. 
We stopped to have our piece at a picnic table on the way into the glen. Jeremy, the romantic that he is, left our mark on the table.

An amazing day, an amazing husband, and we love each other an amazing amount. I am truly blessed.






Caitlin

here and there.

This is the view from my workout. I must admit that I feel pretty lucky to have this to watch instead of the tv screens that sit atop the other machines spilling out gratuitous and disgusting images of today's most popular music videos. I get to gaze out at Salisbury Crags as I listen to my own music, sometimes the Beatles, sometimes the Avett Brothers, sometimes Cake.

I snapped this from my phone last night as Jeremy and I ventured out for an evening out with each other, rather than an evening in next to each other. The clouds billowed threateningly over Old Town, and we walked right into them, careless of the imminent rain, merely happy to be in each other's company and anticipating good conversation over a pint or two.

I also caved and decided that our date out for drinks could also include dessert of Sticky Toffee Pudding and vanilla ice cream. Plus I've been working out and can work out extra hard next time, right? Either way, it was delicious as was the time we spent together enjoying the social scene of our city.

I took this in The Last Drop, a completely touristy pub on Grassmarket, but a neat little cave-like place with nice candlelit ambiance and low ceilings. We came here for one last drink after spending most of our time just down Grassmarket in the Black Bull. I came here with my parents when they were here and Jeremy had to work that day, so we decided to pop in so he could experience it too.

We bought our plane tickets home the other day, and it's finally sinking in that we're leaving this place in a few short months. Though we are looking forward to going home to family and beginning yet another new chapter in our lives, we can't help but weep a little at the thought of leaving the city that has really come to be a home away from home for us. We've grown and experienced so much here, it will always be a formidable year in our marriage, and we'll always keep this ancient city in its own little nook in our hearts. Not knowing when we'll return is probably the biggest fear. This city is now part of our story, and I know it will have a recurring role in the future, but not knowing when that might be is disconcerting. But I know there is a plan, and that we've grown attached to Edinburgh in this way for a reason, so I look forward to its next cameo in our lives and relish the time and adventures we still have waiting for us until September 6th. So here's to Edinburgh.
Dùn Èideann, tha gaol agam ort, gu bràth tuilleadh. 




Caitlin

north carolina. [the trip home.]

Though I'm notably still quite tired, I feel rested enough to write a wee bit about our time back home, and I feel like Jeremy and I experienced and did so many things (and still didn't get to do all we intended) that the longer I wait to write on it, the less I'll remember to include. Firstly, I must say that being away from those mountains made me appreciate anew and enjoy, like an old sweet song, the beauty, verdancy, and familiarity of those blue ridges. Being there again, nestled in between those mountains and sheltered by trees, surrounded by family and friends, we remembered and solidified our desire to move back home to those joyful things and settle down.

my mountains.

After a full twenty-four hours of travel once we arrived at the Foreman house, we stayed up a little longer to say hello to everyone there, receive and give long awaited hugs, and try to take in the reality that we were really there. Then we crashed. With the aid of a noisy morning and a Moments latte we awoke and again settled into the reality that we were home. Things were pretty crazy as it was two days before Laurel's wedding and Mom Foreman was working herself to the bone, as usual, to prepare the food to perfection, but we managed to see her and her sisters, Becky and Debby, in her kitchen to say hello and go in for more hugs. That Thursday was probably the calmest day we had, but we were still pretty busy helping Mom in the kitchen and running errands with Dad Foreman, not to mention picking kids up from school, and dropped others off at soccer practice.
The next two days flew by. There was a breakfast for all the girls at Laurel's house on Friday morning, with the famous blueberry pancakes and a topping that can really only be called icing, but it's so much better than that. It was great to take time to visit, meet, and enjoy the company of the women in one place before the craziness of the rehearsal and the actual wedding day. I also looked after Zoe, Rachel's daughter, that morning as both Rachel and Cory were working. It was fun to get to know my new niece, and get to know her stunning personality a bit more.

the Zoe.

The rehearsal was not in the location that the wedding actually ended up taking place as the rain had decided to let loose it's fury on the mountains that afternoon, but after a while we got things sorted and in a small respite from the rain we ran up and at least got an idea of what the ceremony would look like in the field it was originally planned to be. If the rain wants to exhaust itself the day before the wedding that was fine with all of us, but we implored it to finish and clear off before the actual wedding. [Which it reluctantly consented to do.]

Attempting a quick run-through before the rain arrives again.

The rehearsal dinner was full of love, laughs, and good company. Laurel and Kent so perfectly complement each other it was amazing to see them together, surrounded and lifted up by their closest family and friends, on the evening before they become one flesh in the sight of God.
The wedding day was another full one. There was a worship service in the morning at the site of the ceremony to set the day apart to the Lord, and it was done with reverence and joy.

Jeremy spending some quality time with our niece, Seren, after the morning service.

My job as photographer began around 2:30 in the afternoon, after helping with this and that at Laurel's before going back to the Foreman house to get ready.
Though the sky looked threatening at times, the rain abstained from its fall until much later in the evening. Though getting everything ready took a bit longer than expected, it all happened in its time and it was beautiful. The ceremony was so well done and put together, from the music, the prayers, the vows, the ring-bearer hound-dog, and ultimately the love between Kent and Laurel. The rain started to drop little by little as I rushed to get the group shots done, but it held up long enough to spend a good amount of time with just Laurel and Kent, though they definitely got a little wet on the back of the golf cart as we rushed to get them to the reception.

Yep, they climbed the high dive--in the rain.

The reception was full of good food, good people, good music, and some crazy dance moves. I was able to take my photographer mode down a notch and enjoy a bit of the reception as well. It was just lovely, and again, full of joy.
The next day everyone was pretty much shattered, but we went to church (again with the aid of Moments coffee) and after church headed back over to Merri-Mac where all the food from the wedding still was and gorged ourselves on leftovers. Yum. Eve's violin concert was next on the list, so Jeremy and I, Zak and Brittney piled into Caitlin's car and we all went to support Eve--who did amazingly in her concert. She's a great little violinist, and made me quite a proud aunt.
We spent some time with Josh and Christal and the kids after the concert before heading back out to see a movie with everyone. For anyone who cares, Priest had an amazing concept but utterly failed to deliver a good plot and story, so don't waste your time. Though I hear the comic books are brilliant, so if you're into that I have it on good authority to highly recommend them.
Priest was also quite short, and as some of the us went to a different movie we had to wait on them to finish as well--so we snuck into Thor and watched a little of it before we got the call to say we were ready to go. Jeremy and I have since gone back out to see Thor and thought it was a fun film, we definitely enjoyed it.
The next day I was able to reunite with my closest friend and dear heart, Chelsea Rose. The Rose and the Thistle together again! We went out to lunch at Las Cazuelas (finally, and yum!) and then took a walk about Montreat, just talking and catching up a little. It was as if we'd never been apart, just picking up where we left off--though at the same time we were both disbelieving that we were actually in the same place again. We took silly photos, as usual, and we laughed together and made plans to live near each other again.

After a while it began to lightly rain and we went back to pick up Jeremy. We went for another pick-me-up at Moments then headed out to Asheville. We stopped by Barnes and Noble for a while to wait on my brother, Jake, to call us back. He is now taking care of Cael for us, and we were, all of us, excited to go see the pup as well as my loving brother. So when we got the call we all got back into the car and rushed over to Jake's house.
Cael has gotten so big! In reality, I don't think he's that much taller than he was when we left, but he's fattened up a bit and filled in. He's no puppy anymore! But it was so wonderful to see him, pet him, and give him some long overdue loving. He seems really happy at Jake's, he and Peter have a dog as well, Olivia, who seems like she'll teach Cael a thing or two and keep him in his place. We spent some time there, and decided to stay for dinner as well. Chelsea took us back to Moments to get Jeremy's dad's car, as that was Chelsea's last night in NC and needed to spend it with her family. It was absolutely fantastic to see her, and I look forward to the next time as well. Maybe I can get my arse in gear, be a good friend, and write her another letter.
Back at Jake and Peter's we sat around, wine in hand, while the aromatic spices of Peter's cooking wafted around us. He put together an amazing chicken curry dish with coconut milk, and greens, and sweet potatoes and also some naan bread. I'm not doing justice to all that went into it, but it was delicious! It was lovely to catch up with Jake's life and hear about Peter's job search and projects he's got going on. And I'm going to say it again, it was so great to see Cael and really know that he's healing well and enjoying his place in Asheville. Thanks to Jake and Peter for taking him, and thanks to Drew and Kelsey for keeping him up until then.

Jake and Peter.

Me and my pup!

Jeremy and Cael.

The next two days flew by as well. I had every intention of doing so many more things than we were able to do, but I suppose that's how it goes sometimes. An inordinate amount of time was spent waiting on the locksmith to attempt to pick, cut, and eventually grind off the lock on our storage unit--the keys to which were lost or thrown away in the Foreman's moving house last December. We kept the key this time, knowing now that we'll be moving back in September. After that was finally taken care of, we went running errands with Caitlin, getting a storage bin for all the things we brought back with us from Scotland. We both had checked two bags each, and left one whole bag plus the majority of the other bag back in NC to begin moving our things back, hopefully we won't have as much to ship in September. After errand running we went for dinner as Las Cazuelas with Caitlin, Rachel, and Zoe. It was great to spend some time with them apart from the craziness of the wedding.
On our last full day we stopped by to see Cael one more time and to say goodbye to him, as well as Jake and Peter, it was hard to leave him again, but not nearly as difficult as it was the first time. I think knowing that we'll be home in a few months made the parting a little easier. After saying our goodbyes there, we headed back out to Arden to see Josh and Christal and the kids. It's always a good time with Josh and Christal, we enjoy their company so much and we love their kids as well, so there's always people to talk to, or in some cases, play with. Those kids are growing up so quickly, and I have to admit that it's been hard being here sometimes knowing that they're all growing up and changing without me there to see it. Josh and Christal graciously offered us dinner, though we implored with them that we didn't need to eat their food, but it was quite delicious. Christal's mother, Susan, was there as well, and it's always nice to see her too. She's like another mum to me as well. We spent hours there without really realizing it, and before we left Josh pulled out his guitar and Christal her cello and they played us some songs that they had written together. We were able to see them play together at the wedding, but it is always so incredible to see and hear them playing and singing together. They really are so talented, and another great complementary couple. It was sad to say goodbye, but again, knowing when we were coming back this time made it better. And as Eden said to his brother and sisters "It's only four months, and then they are coming back to stay forever!"

The breath-taking view from J&C's house.

Me and my little buddy, Eden.

Dimitri demonstrating his awesome hand-made kaleidoscope.

Josh and Christal about to play for us.

We got back late that evening, and soon realized any plans we may have had to squeeze things in in the morning weren't going to come to fruition as our ride to the airport had to come quite early because of other things needing to be done that day. So arriving at the airport at 9AM, thinking we were going to be able to switch my flight so I could travel with Jeremy for extremely cheap, basically being told 'just kidding', waiting around for hours, luckily realizing in time that my luggage was only tagged to Paris, fixing that, watching Jeremy fly away on his plan five hours before mine left, waiting, waiting, waiting, and studying for my exam, then finally beginning my arduous journey home, waiting in Atlanta until nearly midnight, then finally flying to Paris, sleeping through breakfast and almost not getting it at all, Jeremy nearly being able to wait until my flight in Paris and get 250 euros in the process then not being able to, and finally touching down in Edinburgh over another twenty-four hours later made for a crazy time of travel.
But were back now, and we have things to do here, things to see and experience and things to enjoy and photograph. So for now, Edinburgh is home, but we look forward to making that ridiculous trip over one more time and settling down in those Carolina mountains.
Thanks to everyone who gave us a bed to sleep in, a cell phone to use, a car to borrow, a meal in our bellies, one well-needed hug after another, a wedding at which to give joy, and so many other things. And apologies to those whom we meant to see and pass the time with but simply ran out of time to pass. We'll see you all soon, and catch up with no time limits.
Whew, that really was a doozy of a post. Thanks for slogging all the way through it if you did. I hope the photographs were able to break it up enough. No more long posts for a while, I promise.


Content right where she is and joyful for the opportunity to be home,

Caitlin

lately.

Lately things have been busy with nothing at all. Isn't it frustrating when you feel so rushed and busy, yet you don't really end up doing anything? You just feel anxious about the things you're not doing, or should be doing, or will be doing.
This morning Jeremy and I listened to a sermon from Jeremy's grandpa, Edmund Clowney. We have a number of sermons saved on our itunes, and when we can't make it to church for various reasons (this morning being, again, that Jeremy's back prevents us from walking anywhere too far, and Jeremy had to be at work at one o'clock to boot). This morning we listened to Pop Pop reading Phillippians 4:4-6, which has always been a favorite verse of mine. Anxiety tends to be the bane of my own existence even when I try to suppress it, but these verses reminded me of some beautiful promises I tend to forget about in my own clouds of stress and anxiety. The clouds disperse and the sun comes out, warm and gentle on my face, and I am thankful.
A couple weeks ago, Jeremy and I took a trip to Northern Ireland to visit some friends, Billy and Katie, and it was great to spend time with them, catch up, laugh, and enjoy each other's company. It is always nice to get away and do something new for a while. And we have another trip coming up quite soon as well--we leave for North Carolina in about ten days! I can't believe it's already so close, we still have some planning and packing to do. We're planning on bringing just the bare necessities for the trip, and packing full our other suitcases with things we know we won't need or use from now until we move back to NC in September. So there's still plenty to do from now until then, as well as studying for my Gaelic exam which is the day after I come back from NC, and also continuing to chip away at this dissertation topic which is finally beginning to form itself into something coherent in my mind, but not yet ready for public revelation.

A shot of Jeremy and I goofing off below Mussenden Temple near Whiterocks Beach, NI.

Last night was the fire feast of Beltane, and today, according to the Celtic calendar is the first day of summer. Jeremy and I caught a fleeting glimpse of the fire up on Calton Hill from North Bridge last night, but since I have an odd aversion to crowds and it cost money, we didn't venture up to Calton Hill for the festivities themselves. But it's another gorgeous day in Edinburgh, and I have a mind to go out an enjoy it.

Until next time,

Caitlin

good for the soul.

I just spent three hours talking, laughing, and reminiscing with my closest friend on Skype, and I had no idea how much my soul needed that. She makes me laugh and lifts me up more than anyone except Jeremy, and knows just what to say to keep me encouraged and confident in my studies and intellect. I got further bouncing dissertation ideas off of her than I did with professors at school. She knows how I think and knows the questions to ask to get my thinking in the right direction. And sometimes we are just insane together, and I miss those silly times in front of photobooth taking ridiculous photos of ourselves. God blessed me majorly when he gave me Chelsea as a friend, and I pray that I am as much of a blessing to her as she is to me. Thank God for bosom friends, right Anne Shirley?

One of the first photos of us taken.

One of the last photos of us together before our lives took us to separate places.

We have way too much fun.

i heart faces.

So I've decided to enter an iheartfaces.com photography challenge as another way to get back into snapping photos all the time, and as a way to interact with other photographers as well.

This week's challenge theme is 'Red' in honor of Go Red for Women. I chose this photo of Carlee I did for her senior portraits, because it embodies so much of what I think women should be--confident, fun, and not afraid to be silly and laugh at themselves--and that's definitely Carlee. So here you go. I'll probably be doing this every couple weeks or so, there are new challenges each week.

Enjoy. :)


Caitlin

heritage.

I was asked today if I could choose any citizenship to have in the world, what it would be. My answer was actually quite surprising to me, and will be to anyone reading this who knows me well. I thought about it, and replied,
"If you had asked me this six months ago, I would have undoubtedly said Irish, Scottish, or British. But today, honestly, I'm an American and I'm quite happy to be. I'd take dual-citizenship, sure, but I'll keep my American citizenship, thank you."
To anyone who has heard me pine away for Ireland in the last seven years since I first visited, this might come as a surprise. Don't take this wrong though, I am quite happy to be where I am right now, in Scotland learning about things that most definitely concern my heritage. But this semester my classes comprise of two subjects very interesting to me, Traditional Narrative and Traditional Gaelic Song. Through my lectures and reading so far, especially in Traditional Gaelic Song, we have looked at the idea of song and sense of place. This element is very important in Gaelic song and poetry--which are virtually interchangeable--and is something worth a closer study in understand the nature of the songs. Yesterday in class the lecturer, Dr. Margaret Mackay talked to us about what sense of place means, and she mentioned a Spanish word--pardon my forgetting the actual word--that essentially means a feeling of belonging, of home, a sense of being right where you needed to be. She then asked the class to go round and talk about what that might mean to us individuals.
Being away from family and home in North Carolina has been more difficult than I had foreseen. Coming to Scotland was the fruition of a dream I've had for a long time, and I hadn't even considered the fact that I might miss where I had come from. I knew I would miss family, but since my family is already so far spread across this green earth I didn't think much of flinging my own little family of Jeremy and myself out across the wide sea. But I'm not just a Barker anymore, I'm a Foreman and I had become embedded in that family so much that my abrupt uprooting was more jarring than I anticipated. I miss family birthday gatherings, I miss little children, my nieces and nephews running around, I miss having brothers and sisters around all the time, and I miss the occasional but always memorable encounters of sitting and just listening to Grandmother and Grandfather tell stories.
So when it came to me to speak in class yesterday, to tell about what created my sense of belonging or place I didn't hesitate in saying "family." And not only family, I said, again to my surprise, but the green sheltering mountains of the Blue Ridges in our little mountain valley. There's a sense of safety and comfort about that place, those mountains, and those verdant forests. That's not to say I haven't felt that sense of belonging elsewhere, I have, in Ireland so many years ago and here in Scotland as well. But I've realized that here is not where I really belong. My ancestors belonged here, and so it runs in my blood, but my ancestors picked up and moved in a perilous journey over the sea to make better lives for their families--I am that family, generations later, and I am thankful for their sacrifice, for their own uprooting and departure of that familiar comfort and belonging. I owe it to them to not just cast away the new heritage they created for me in coming back to the old, unimpressed with the new, but to appreciate the heritage of my immediate family and delight in coming here and discovering a new facet of who I am.
That's what I was missing before. I was so ready to go back to my deep roots and become what my ancestors were, that I forgot where my actual home was, where I really belonged.
Not only that, but in studying the culture and folk life I so longed for here, I realized that the tradition and folk culture from whence I came is in part cut from the same cloth as that of this rich place, and that I grew up knowing it and participating in it.
And so, in realizing my dream and coming to the British Isles to study and become part of its tradition I have realized that was already part of a tradition just as rich, and so very similar. If nothing else is accomplished here--though I know it will be--I am happy to finally realize what I have in my cozy, mountain-crowned corner of western North Carolina, and that I dearly miss it, my roots still aching there, with family, friends, familiarity, and belonging. I see the country of my ancestors and love it like they did, but I will not forsake what they gave up for me.
I hope this post makes sense. I am so happy with what Jeremy and I are doing here, it's an adventure that we'll never forget, it's part of who we are, it's in our blood and our connection to it is undeniable--but it's not home. We will come home after a much-needed and well-appreciated jaunt back to the roots of our heritage.
Part of my missing home is probably the fact that I'm living in a city, and not used to it. I like it, but I'm definitely more of an open-country, trees, mountains, wildlife kind of girl. Here are some things I'll be happy to see again.

Early morning mountain fog on Black Mountain's railroad tracks.

The absolute breath-taking beauty of autumn in the mountains.

The verdant green of the Carolina forest, climbing Craggy Pinnacle.

Far off views of mountains at sunset and woodland as far as the eye can see.

a new year.

Well, here we are, it's another new year. Twenty-eleven. Doesn't it seem like just a second ago that it was the year 2000, and here we are now, closer to 2020 than 2000. I don't really think I can get my brain wrapped around that. This year past has brought many changes for Jeremy and I, and if this new year brings even half of the excitement of the last, it shall be quite a year, indeed. I will be graduating with a Master's degree this year, and we shall be deciding if staying in Scotland is in the cards for us. Decisions will be made, another move is almost inevitable, and perhaps just maybe I might be able to start a career--but who knows?
There is a little kitten sleeping in the chair next to me. No, we didn't get another pet. We're watching Jeremy's cousin Tom's cat, called Pete. He's quite cute and fun to play with, but admittedly he just makes me miss Cael. Hopefully, he's another thing this year will bring us. I'll be pursuing options to having Cael shipped over, and I hope all goes smoothly so that we may have him with us again. My brother decided to keep him for us just a little longer, and we are grateful. Though the fact that I haven't seen him in over four months now is rather painful sometimes.
I've resolved this year to put myself out there more, to make friends, and not worry about making a fool out of myself. There are so many things that I have missed out on, and will miss out on, if I continue to worry about what others may think of me. And really, I think I'm giving them and myself too much credit to assume I would be more than a passing thought in some people's minds. I live in Scotland, and I was to see it, to have adventures here, to experience it to the fullest, because I might be going back to the States in less than a year, and I might not come back. I'm young, I'm outgoing (kind of), and I have the world at my fingertips, so why not take advantage?
I will write more this year. Not including my dissertation. I will write more for myself this year.
I will take every opportunity this year to learn all that I can, within and outside the classroom.
I will love well this year, and learn how to serve selflessly, all whom I come into contact with.
I will learn to play the fiddle, and by the end of the year, attempt to play at a session in a pub here in Edinburgh.
I will look back on this year in 2012, and be completely pleased with what I have accomplished.

What are your resolutions for the year? And how do you plan on keeping them?
Oh, and since I promised. Here are some photos of our new(ish) flat on West Crosscauseway.

The lounge and library. There's a door to the right leading to the hallway.

The other half of the lounge/dining room/study

The bedroom. I would love it, if that fireplace worked, but alas, it doesn't.

The kitchen, the door into it is to the left of the table in the previous lounge photo.

Now you have a better picture of how we're living over here. Not pictured is the entry hallway which has doors to the bathroom, our bedroom, and the lounge--but it's not really exciting enough to photograph.

I hope everyone's 2011 brings them the pleasantly unexpected.  

Bliadhna mhath ùr!

Caitlin

mid-november. really?

Can anyone else really believe that we're half way through November yet? And that Thanksgiving is next week? Does it seem to anyone else that the older you get, the quicker time slips by without you noticing, and the next thing you know you're a year later and you're not sure how you got there? At this time last year I was just settling into the insanity that is the Christmas season at Biltmore--yes, it starts about a week into November. Our plans were still for Jeremy to be the one in school and perhaps maybe we would go to Scotland, but for now we'll just worry about the usual: money, jobs, and what the heck we're doing with our lives. And now, a year later, I am the one in school, and we really are in Scotland, in Edinburgh, and I'm getting a degree in Highland Studies and learning to play the fiddle. Really?
It does feel a bit more tangibly real now that we're in a long-term rental and can finally settle in and make a home. But still, sometime I have to stop, look around at the beautifully old Georgian architecture of the main square of my campus, or out my door, through the buildings to the craggy mount of Arthur's Seat sitting just yonder in Holyrood Park, a stone's throw away from my front door. (Okay, so I'd have to have a really good arm for it to be an actual stone's throw, but still, it's right there.) But it's all true, we really are here, I'm really doing this degree--though don't bother asking what my dissertation is on, because I still have no idea--Jeremy has a good job, and we're living here, in Edinburgh, where we wanted to be. I know I am incredibly blessed to be here, and I am so thankful that things worked out just so for it all to happen. But sometimes--sometimes I still wonder what I really am doing here. Yes, yes I'm going to school and Jeremy and I are on an adventure and what have you. But really, why am I here, what will the future bring us on this path that we're on? Regardless of what you may think, I know I am here for a reason, and that there's a purpose for all that we're encountering and experiencing here, but I can't help letting my so-human mind wander and question and honestly, sometimes just despair at not understanding a distinct purpose for my time and studies here. I know I should just sit back and enjoy it, and take it as it comes, but if any of you know me at all, you'll know that that's not how I do things. I have a hard time not having a framed plan complete with bullet points and a checklist. There's nothing I like more than revising a plan and checking things off a list and experiencing the satisfaction that comes from the accomplishment of a well-laid plan come to fruition. And nothing I hate more than uncertainty and stress from loose ends.
But you know what? Maybe that's why I'm here. Maybe I need to tone the control-freak in my brain down, and maybe kick her out all together. Because the truth is, as long as I am doing what I love and finding my real purpose in the only thing that matters, then what can truly go wrong? Lots of little things might snag here and there, but what are those but flavours that make life that much more brilliantly complex and beautiful?
I am here. I am learning Scottish Gaelic. I am learning to play the fiddle. I am getting a Master's Degree in Highland Studies. I am living in a city that is older and more full of history than anywhere I have ever lived. I will relish all of that in the here and now, and not fret about what will come of it in the future. For if I focus too much on what is to come, I'll miss out on all the loveliness and flavour that will make what comes that much better.

I hope my words can encourage you other control-freaks and future-worriers, and maybe we can all help keep each other accountable to really letting go. Yes?

Here's to the unknown.

Caitlin


Oh, and photos of the new flat coming soon. :)

the pup.

My Cael.

I wanted to write a post about this because it seems that I am at a loss at what to do next, and perhaps with the advice or ideas of my beloved readers I might come across a way to remedy the situation.

Our Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Cael, is sadly not with us here in Edinburgh yet. And unfortunately I'm not sure when we'll be able to get him here. It was the original plan to have him shipped over after us in October sometime, but with our housing situation being unstable--in a temporary flat because there wasn't anything available when we got here in September--and with the expense of shipping him we wanted to be sure we would be here for a while before we invest in sending him, as well as the logistical nightmare of actually getting him here with paperwork in order and avoiding quarantine. On the bright side, the huge stress of what to do with him until we could ship him was graciously solved by my older brother, Drew, and his wife, Kelsey, who offered to take him for us until we could get him to us here in Scotland. They've been great in helping us out with that, but now that it looks like Cael's going to have to be staying Stateside for longer than expected they can no longer keep him. They're quite busy with their jobs and having a dog for a month or so is quite different from having him for three or four or more months. So unfortunately their jobs just aren't conducive to having an animal relying on them being home and around for attention or time for adequate walks and other such things as dogs require. So though they have been an absolute Godsend for keeping Cael until now, it is time for him to move on to someone who's life is a bit more suitable to keep a dog.
It looks like right now, since the long-term flat we just got doesn't allow pets, and I'll need some time to either convince the landlord to let me have Cael, or finagle a way to have him there without the landlord knowing, so it looks like January would be the earliest we could realistically get him here. It sucks. And I'd like to have already had him here now and avoided all this, but things don't always work out the way you plan, and we have to deal with things as they happen. So while this is not at all how I planned this going, this is what I have to deal with, so I am.

Here's the rundown. Cael is a spaniel, like I said, a small breed but he's bigger than most Cavaliers--maybe about twenty-eight or so pounds. He's almost three years old, so he's right about at the end of the puppy stage, though he can still get a little hyper. He's fixed, and that seemed to calm him down a bit and make him a lot less dominating, but it really wasn't a huge problem before we had it done. He's a sweet heart, and just wants to be around people and interact with them. Wherever you are, that's where he wants to be. He's a companion first and foremost, but he knows how to be on his own as well. Jeremy and I both worked nearly everyday, so he was used to being by himself for five, six, or seven hours at a time, and sometimes more.. He loves being outside and going on walks. He has a backyard right now at my brother's house and it seems like even though he can be out on his own, that he needs someone out with him to make sure he does his business and not just sniff around and chase leaves across the yard. Though he's fine just being put outside on occasion in the backyard to just be there instead of inside. I think that's where walks would come in the best, to take him out and tell him to go 'potty' helps him remember why he's out there amidst all the sights and smells that make him forget what he needs to do. He's also not a very vocal dog. In our experience, the only time he barked was when we left for work, and even then he'd only bark for maybe four or five minutes then go on to chewing a bone or playing with his toys. I think he'd be best with a family, and even with a family that already has a dog, because he's quite social and likes the company, and I think a family atmosphere would be good because there's always so much going on and people coming and going to keep him company.
Anyway, I won't go on and on, but he is a good dog, and as with all dogs, he needs the proper attention and work that comes with being a dependent animal. I can give anyone more information who wants it. If you guys have any ideas of someone who would be willing to keep him for us for a time, until we can get him over here with us, let me know. And those that will, please pray that this is resolved quickly and smoothly as it quite stressful for all involved--for me, trying to coordinate this an ocean away, and for my brother I'm sure as well, who wants to give Cael everything he needs, but just can't do it all right now because of his busy schedule. Thank you all for praying and thinking of us. Things here are going well, but I can't believe that this semester is almost over--I still have so much to do! I hope all who read this are quite well.

Caitlin

the inordinately large photo blog.

   We've finally gotten some internet at our new place so I can finally catch you all up from the last two or so weeks. Hopefully this will all format correctly to the actual post, but let's not hold our breath.

First of all, it was with a heavy heart that we had to leave Cael behind, but when he looks like this and he's in the care of such wonderful family we have to be glad and just miss him for a little while. (Thanks, Drew and Kelsey!) This is him in his very exciting new backyard in Greensboro, NC.

Cael in his new habitat. :)

When we arrived in Edinburgh, we were greeted by Tessa, Jeremy's aunt, and she took us back to their home in New Town, which is row after row of gorgeous Georgian architecture. They were wonderful  hosts to us as we settled into our new city and looked round for a flat of our own. Thanks so much to Paul and Tessa Clowney for putting us up, feeding us, and letting us put our own weight a bit round the flat! Here are some photos from our stay there.

Front door to Paul and Tessa's

The lovely architecture of New Town.

Our room.

The stairs we had to climb to get there.

The writing spot I frequented at our window, with tea, of course.

Here are some neat shots I got from our window there. The first just as the sun was beginning to set, and the second was in complete night--the light is from the city lights and if you look closely you can see the stars as well.

Dramatic clouds are an everyday occurrence here.

It's just as lovely at night, is it not?

Naturally, we did some sight-seeing during our first weeks here. Some along with some friends, Billy and Katie, who came to see us from Belfast (via vacation in Mallorca). This city is vibrant with culture, heritage, and history--we've only begun to taste all is has to offer. From St. Mary's Cathedral in the West End of Edinburgh, to Edinburgh Castle on Castle Rock, New College in Old Town and the Royal Mile, Arthur's Seat in Holyrood Park--a haven dropped right into the middle of the city, to the Scott Monument and more, Edinburgh is not a place to be seen in one day.

A cathedral we passed nearly everyday in New Town.

Inside said cathedral, St. Mary's.

Our first view of the castle, we were rather surprised by it actually.

A more composed view of castle rock and Edinburgh Castle.

New College, house of Theology at Uni of Edinburgh, right below the castle.

Right in the middle of the city actually--on the way to Arthur's Seat.

Edinburgh at night.

We caught the end of the Fringe Festival, denoted by fireworks at the castle.

I have so many more photos of things we've done and seen, but I think I would be sitting here for weeks if I uploaded and captioned all the photos I'd like to for you. To pick just a few more, Edinburgh has a number of beautiful graveyards which are a beautifully somber thing to explore here. Greyfriars is right within the Old Town, and houses a number of mentionable things--one being Greyfriar's Bobby, the loyal dog who watched over his master's grave for fourteen years. As well as Flodden Wall, a commemoration of the Scottish lives lost at the Battle of Flodden against James IV. Another graveyard I've visited is Saint Cuthbert's which is situated on the edge of New Town off Princes Street, nestled in the shadow of castle rock. Here are some photos I captured at both these yards.

Flodden Wall at Greyfriar's.

St. Cuthbert's

Shaded rows, St. Cuthbert's.

Beneath Castle Rock, St. Cuthbert's.

  Now, of course, the reason we are here is because I am going back to school. I've done a few things at the school so far, but classes don't start until this coming Monday. International Day was this past Sunday which began with a welcome ceremony in McEwan Hall; there are over 8,000 international students at the University of Edinburgh this year, both undergrad and postgrad! Jeremy and I explored the sprawling campus which melts right into the city surrounding it. Most of my classes will be in George Square which is about a five or ten minute walk from the Royal Mile. We went to Old College which is actually undergoing an archaeological dig at the moment which can be read about here. It was fun exploring the different facets of this huge school, especially when compared to the college Jeremy and I both graduated from in Montreat with it's total student population of something like five hundred. Jeremy and I ventured out and went to an indie night at Teviot House, which is one of the student unions at the Uni (it has three bars inside it!). We ended up really liking one of the bands we heard called Kid Canaveral (check 'em out!), and though we enjoyed ourselves we couldn't get over how young the people around us drinking alcohol were. They looked about twelve! We also thought that the lead singer of Kid Canaveral looked like a perfect combination of Jeremy and our friend Billy May!

McEwan Hall, the graduation hall for UoE.

Old College.

Dig at Old College.

Kid Canaveral. (Billy/Jeremy lovechild?)

So I've finally arrived at our new flat. I don't have decent photos yet, but I will leave you with the gorgeous view I have from my kitchen window. For those of you that know me, yes, it really does help me enjoy doing dishes!

Kitchen view, and CLEAN DISHES!

I will leave you with a typical sight seen anywhere around Edinburgh, though this one was particularly endearing so I snapped a photo.

Old man in a kilt!

Till next time, lovely readers! It won't be so long before another photo post that I'll have to post one like this again, never fear!

Caitlin