mid-november. really?

Can anyone else really believe that we're half way through November yet? And that Thanksgiving is next week? Does it seem to anyone else that the older you get, the quicker time slips by without you noticing, and the next thing you know you're a year later and you're not sure how you got there? At this time last year I was just settling into the insanity that is the Christmas season at Biltmore--yes, it starts about a week into November. Our plans were still for Jeremy to be the one in school and perhaps maybe we would go to Scotland, but for now we'll just worry about the usual: money, jobs, and what the heck we're doing with our lives. And now, a year later, I am the one in school, and we really are in Scotland, in Edinburgh, and I'm getting a degree in Highland Studies and learning to play the fiddle. Really?
It does feel a bit more tangibly real now that we're in a long-term rental and can finally settle in and make a home. But still, sometime I have to stop, look around at the beautifully old Georgian architecture of the main square of my campus, or out my door, through the buildings to the craggy mount of Arthur's Seat sitting just yonder in Holyrood Park, a stone's throw away from my front door. (Okay, so I'd have to have a really good arm for it to be an actual stone's throw, but still, it's right there.) But it's all true, we really are here, I'm really doing this degree--though don't bother asking what my dissertation is on, because I still have no idea--Jeremy has a good job, and we're living here, in Edinburgh, where we wanted to be. I know I am incredibly blessed to be here, and I am so thankful that things worked out just so for it all to happen. But sometimes--sometimes I still wonder what I really am doing here. Yes, yes I'm going to school and Jeremy and I are on an adventure and what have you. But really, why am I here, what will the future bring us on this path that we're on? Regardless of what you may think, I know I am here for a reason, and that there's a purpose for all that we're encountering and experiencing here, but I can't help letting my so-human mind wander and question and honestly, sometimes just despair at not understanding a distinct purpose for my time and studies here. I know I should just sit back and enjoy it, and take it as it comes, but if any of you know me at all, you'll know that that's not how I do things. I have a hard time not having a framed plan complete with bullet points and a checklist. There's nothing I like more than revising a plan and checking things off a list and experiencing the satisfaction that comes from the accomplishment of a well-laid plan come to fruition. And nothing I hate more than uncertainty and stress from loose ends.
But you know what? Maybe that's why I'm here. Maybe I need to tone the control-freak in my brain down, and maybe kick her out all together. Because the truth is, as long as I am doing what I love and finding my real purpose in the only thing that matters, then what can truly go wrong? Lots of little things might snag here and there, but what are those but flavours that make life that much more brilliantly complex and beautiful?
I am here. I am learning Scottish Gaelic. I am learning to play the fiddle. I am getting a Master's Degree in Highland Studies. I am living in a city that is older and more full of history than anywhere I have ever lived. I will relish all of that in the here and now, and not fret about what will come of it in the future. For if I focus too much on what is to come, I'll miss out on all the loveliness and flavour that will make what comes that much better.

I hope my words can encourage you other control-freaks and future-worriers, and maybe we can all help keep each other accountable to really letting go. Yes?

Here's to the unknown.

Caitlin


Oh, and photos of the new flat coming soon. :)

scotland the brave.

As heart-rending rifts of deep piping play through my mind I realize that it is now less than a month before Jeremy and I set off to something completely new and different. Less than one month until we leave all familiarity and begin anew together in a place about which we're both passionate. Less than one month before we get on a plane with one-way tickets and spirit away to something completely ours together. I'm excited. I'm anxious. I'm still a bit stressed. But I'm so blessed to be embarking upon something so grand and unique. Jeremy and I are both ecstatic to be so close to attaining the goal we've been striving so long now to realize, but we know we can't celebrate yet, there is still much to do and much to finish.
Today was my last day at Biltmore, and while that saddens my heart, it also means that we are that much closer to being in Scotland. I have that much more time to finish packing and culling all of our stuff we've acquired. I have that much more time to prepare my mind for the scholarly feats I shall be attempting in the next year. And while I may be done working at Biltmore, that place and those people will always have a special place in my heart and thoughts, and I will never forget my time there.
Our visas are nearly finished, and should be completely submitted by the end of this week, and, Lord willing, all will be in order and we'll be approved quite soon thereafter. Cael is our only loose end and we hope that his situation will be remedied soon. I'll update soon with more milestones crossed. For now I leave you with a view of our future home.

where's july gone?

July has long begun and is passing quickly. Jeremy and I are now about a month and a half from picking up and moving across the world to follow our dreams and passions. Things are coming together, and even though they're stressful, they're a lot less stressful than they could be. Jeremy and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary last week on the seventh, and had the unique experience of staying at the four-star/four-diamond Inn on Biltmore Estate--for free. As a reward for selling more than $5,000 in revenue for the Inn I earned a stay at the Inn for two, which included dinner and breakfast as well as a Grand King room. It was delightful. We had dinner in the Dining Room, a fine dining experience, on our anniversary, and then the next day did a Rooftop on top of Biltmore House. I love Jeremy so much more than I did three years ago when I said I'd love him forever, and I never thought it possible to love him more than I did on that day. I can't wait to see how our love grows and changes in the many coming years. Here are some shots from our anniversary.

From top: Our room; us before dinner; our dinner bill that we didn't have to pay (only alcohol and gratuity; us after dinner, walking out on the grounds; the gargoyle that guards the stable area of Biltmore House; the gargoyle that guards the garden-side.











Oh, and I'm learning to play the violin.

as promised.

I am updating this morning because I realize that I am in dire need of it, not because I have come prepared with stories, tales and photographs with which to regale my readers. I'll probably put up a photo post within the next few days to supplement this one, since this one will be photo-less.
Anyway, many things have gone on since my last post, my birthday, Jeremy's birthday, springtime arriving, tulips, a day frolicking at Biltmore with Chelsea (yes, we frolicked.) Among other things. Photos shall be posted, never fear. When though, that might be a tricky part.
My birthday was nice, full of family, friend, and red velvet cake. Jeremy's birthday was much the same, except cheesecake with fresh strawberries instead. Spring has most indubitably sprung, and I love it. Flowers are exuberantly beautiful and the trees are resplendent in new green. Festival of Flowers is well upon us at Biltmore and the tulips have just finished in a flourish and the snapdragons and foxgloves are in their stead. It's beautifully inspiring, the house, the gardens, the ground. I've written four poems in as many days, and begun a new novel. Which is all rather exciting, even if I'll probably not finish the novel, and not do anything with the poems. But writing for myself is enough for me, and that's important as a writer I think.
Edinburgh draws ever nearer as I have just purchased my plane ticket to fly over on September 1 (gasp!). Jeremy will probably be following me over in early October with Cael. We'll try to see if he can come earlier, but things aren't for sure yet--I'll be calling the airline this week. So it's official, we're definitely going. I've started some online Scots-Gaelic lessons so I'll have some background when I start school.
I've also gotten a promotion at work, more responsibility, new places to work, and a raise which is nice for my morale, and for my Scotland savings-fund. Hurrah!
I'm sure there's probably more to say, but I'll have to add it later, maybe in my photo post. Talk to you chumlie-wumlies later.

Mar sin leibh!

20k milestone.

I just reached the 20,000 word milestone in my novel. I started with 10,000, so I've only written about that much, but with Candlelight season upon us at Biltmore and everything else I have going on I'm pretty proud of myself. :)
Here's the cover art I've designed for The Chancellor's Daughter.

Hopefully, I'll be able to update again soon.

autumn whispers his presence here.

I've been meaning to write for about a week now. Everytime I'm on the computer I go to my blog and sigh to myself, knowing I haven't the time to write all that I would want to. I did as much today when I sat down, but I decided that some writing is better than no writing at all--so here we are.
I'm still quite content with my job at Biltmore, and am still getting used to everything my head must contain in order to adequately perform said job, but I still love the fact that I get to work at such a richly historical place. I've been actually working inside the house for the past few days, and I absolutely love being able to do so. I get to go behind ropes and discover faster ways of getting from place to place where guests are not allowed, it's rather exciting.
I've also been quite enjoying the days that I have off. I go to work with Jeremy in the mornings at the Black Mountain Moments, and enjoy a latte made special for me by my husband, and a good read whilst taking in the usually misty mountain mornings. The eminent coming of autumn is most palpable on those mornings, particularly the misty ones that require light jacket and scarf--my long lost loves during the torrid summer. These mornings allow for peace and slowness, something not so readily available at work--except perhaps those early morning walks from my car to Biltmore house, though the times passes too quickly and I am swept away into the bustle of preparing for the day's guests. The slow mornings on the wooden porch next to my love are the days that keep me going through all the cumbersome days to follow--I look forward to my latte, book, and time to think and write that I need so badly to stay sane. I have recently taken my hand to poetry again, and trying forms on for size. I wrote a ballad for the coming autumn that I think I'll share, just to spur on the arrival of my favorite season.


Autumn Abides

Autumn whispers his presence here.
It's the smell on the crisp breeze dancing in my curls dark,
The harvest moon rising vast and bright through the halcyon sky
Hailing the brilliance of autumn before sinking to winter's stark.

The crisp grows chill as necks and arms are covered.
Mountain winds blow from the distant peaks.
Clouds shroud the valley in an otherworldly mist
Sailing deeper into autumn's boreal weeks.

Trees quiver in the chill air.
Leaves sway to autumn's musical shade.
A firelight of colors blaze in the canopy,
A flicker of beautiful death before the colors fade.

Autumn whispers his presence here.
It's the smell on the crisp breeze dancing in my curls dark,
The harvest moon rising vast and bright through the halcyon sky
Hailing the brilliance of autumn before sinking to winter's stark.

Autumn abides in this mountain valley
Colors of vermilion, sweet orange, and gold here dwell.
Regal purples join in the serenade of hues,
All vivid before ghosting to the ground in one final quell.

Evening comes here in sun and season
Deep blue colors the landscape and the mind.
Autumn's twilight arrives as Boreas blows stronger,
But my heart is bound to autumn as fast as any can find.

Autumn whispers his presence here.
It's the smell on the crisp breeze dancing in my curls dark,
The harvest moon rising vast and bright through the halcyon sky
Hailing the brilliance of autumn before sinking to winter's stark.



Breathing in Autumn's arrival,

Caitlin

castles and coffee.

Today is my first day off this week, and it was much needed--and is currently being much appreciated. I have found myself imbibing more often than tea now, coffee, which is rather strange because I used to hate coffee, and at the same time not strange at all, considering what Jeremy does. I thought I'd confess that to my readers since those who have been following for a while are aware of a previous dedication to hot tea. Don't get me wrong, I still love tea, and come autumn and winter I will be found quite more often with teacup in hand, rather than coffee--but I felt compelled to confess my brief fling with vanilla lattes.
I am now finished with on-the-job training at Biltmore and had my first day on the line in the Welcome Center by myself on Saturday. It's going well, and I get more comfortable everytime I'm there --though I'm still insanely nervous until I'm at my station and the sheer number of people in my line make me forget about how nervous I am and force me to conquer the masses. So that's going well. And yes, I work at a castle. In fact, this is where I work (see amazing photo, and prepare to be insanely jealous at the beauty of my castle *eye twitch*).
Jeremy and I went to the flower carpet evening for the employees last Thursday, and it was a romantic rainy twilight for us. First of all, Jeremy's never been to the house before, so that was fun in itself--but seeing the castle in waning gloaming, and meandering around the grounds hand in hand imagining the estate to be our own is making me look out the window in fond remembrance as I type. A light rain fell all evening, though not enough to extinguish the torches lighting the garden, nor our own flame of exuberance for each other and the marvelous sites we were sharing. The rain pulled in low clouds and fog that settled fantastically in the mountain valleys at which we gazed from the south terrace of the house. The light rain eventually soaked us through as we wandered the water garden admiring giant lily pads and excellence of stone masonry. As we passed last pond of the water garden there was a small stone archway beneath the stairs leading up to the front of the house, I pulled Jeremy in with me, out of the rain, and stole a kiss in the midst of the dim blue gloaming. A tryst, only seconds, but reveled in.

Autumn is beginning to stretch his crisp tendrils into my mountain valley, in the evenings the air cools and crisps and that excites me. Just two nights ago I walked outside with my pup and took in a full deep breath of autumn air--I could smell it, it's faint but I know it is there. Come autumn, and we shall sway once more in poetic inspiration. I wait in patience for the coming of vivid hues and the sweet smells of the season.

Anticipatingly,

Caitlin

beauty.

I did some portraits of my nieces and nephews the other day, and I thought I'd share some of them with you. They're pretty much ridiculously beautiful, and I love them. I'll write some more in a couple days and update about my job at Biltmore, but for now let me say that I think I'm going to love it, and I'm already getting into the groove of the program I'll be working with. I can't help but drive onto the Estate everyday and wonder at the beauty, and revel in the fact that I get to work there--I frequently take the scenic route to exit the estate, it's quite lovely.



Eve


Dimitri


Eden


Ariel


My boys and me.