changing my fate.

This happens every year, I resolve to be more present in this space at the beginning of January, and for that month I'm totally on it, writing and posting fairly often. Then it tapers a bit in February and then all of a sudden boom I'm gone, and there are one or two stray posts here for the remainder of the year. It seems like things are going that way this year too, but I'm here to change my fate in this space!

It's a little odd to think how much my life has changed since I began writing in this blog, and I mean at the very beginning when it was still Black Currant Thoughts and my blog titles were the kind of tea I was drinking while I sat writing that particular post. I was still finishing up my undergrad degree at Montreat; in fact, beginning this blog was an assignment in the computer class I had my last semester - a class I'd been putting off and should have taken my freshman year. From there I went on to a sundry of different jobs, Movie Gallery being the worst, being a nanny to four-month-old twins having the steepest learning curve, and working at Biltmore being the most fun and enjoyable - not to mention a sprinkling of photo shoots and weddings in and among those - all before Jeremy and I packed up and moved our lives to Edinburgh, Scotland for a year. Still before Scotland though I encountered my first real tragedy, a close friend from high school was taken from this world in an early morning car accident that shocked and saddened so many. Ryan's death, and that of my grandfather shortly thereafter, taught me to live each day in the knowledge that it could be my last, or the last of any of those around me - not in a depressing way, but in a way that allows me to love freely and care deeply in each moment. I hope she'd be proud of the way I'm riding my wave in life.
Then Scotland captured us with her beauty, heritage, and culture. We are so fortunate to have been able to follow our dreams and live for that year in a place like Edinburgh. It was good for our souls, our marriage, and our individual collection of experiences too. Scotland has always been part of our heritage, but now I daresay it will always be part of our own stories and our family's future as well. Our children will grow up knowing and loving that place as we do now.
We've travelled, we've moved, we've had numerous different occupations, we've had a few different family things going on, but the biggest most life-changing occurrence, of course, has to be the arrival of our own sweet Josephine MacLaren - almost a year ago now! I can't believe that next month she'll turn a year old! I cannot believe how much I've changed because of her, and how much pure joy she brings to me on a daily basis. Even when she crawls behind the couch and thinks it's a game to run away from me so I have to move the side-tables to get to her and pull her out. Even when she poops or pukes or drools on me. Even when she screams when I have a headache. I love her, with every fiber of my being and love who her presence has made me into. I love being her mum, and love watching her grow and learn and change.

So all in all, this space has seen a lot of changes and a lot of being events in our lives, and I intend to keep recording them here, even if I don't get to write as often as I'd like, I'll continue to make it a point to come back here and update. Thanks to all who have been with us since the beginning, and all our new friends and readers too. Love to you all.

Caitlin

seasons.

It's funny, we all long for the spring when we're in the frigid dead of winter, and for the crisp coolness of autumn when we're in the dog days of summer, and some of us even say "I'd be happy if it were always spring." I've heard myself say it before, but the more I think on it the more I realize and understand the beauty of seasons. Would we appreciate that crisp autumnal beauty without the lush heat and sun of summer, or the blooming life and new green buds of springtime without the harshness of winter? Probably not nearly as much, it's winter's bite that makes spring's thaw that much more beautiful and welcome, to say nothing of the anticipation of summer as we eye our neglected sandals and sundresses in March, wondering how many more weeks we'll have to wait till they will be worn again. The anticipation makes the arrival of the seasons of warmth and beauty so exciting, and engenders our utmost appreciation.

It's the same in the seasons of life we go through. The trials are paramount to being thankful for the blessings, and indeed, are part of the blessings themselves sometimes. I sit here on a Saturday morning, coffee mug nearly empty beside me and I am thankful for the season in which we find ourselves. It is a season of transition now - that time when the days are whispering and hinting of the coming springtime, but the nights are still firmly rooted in winter's chilly grip. Yesterday was my last day at Montreat; my full-time job is officially over and I am no longer tethered to a computer during the weekdays. Praise God for the springtime that is imminent! But I sit here, just Josie, me and the dog lying at my feet, because Jeremy is still plying away, working hard to continue to provide for us at McDonald's. And praise God for the winter that reminds us of His provision. It is this season, this time and that before it, that will always let us remember and appreciate from where we have come. To remember that the blessings we enjoy are not to be taken for granted -- we must remember the winter, for only in our remembrance can we truly enjoy and bask in the sunshine and verdancy of the springtime that comes after.

And so I sit here, thankful for the winter through which we are navigating and even more so for the warmth of spring and summer for which our course has been set. I revel in His blessings, even in the winter - I will not doubt in the dark, or in the boreal climes, what He has shown us in the light and warmth.

summer on the mountain.

being still.

There have been many things that have forced stillness, or in some cases idleness, upon me in the past. But nothing quite like a sleeping baby can thrust me into a time of being still. I mean that physically as well as mentally. I've been meaning to write again in the space for a few days, but not until now - in the midst of needing to prepare for this evening, make dinner for a husband been away for three days, and wash the long-neglected pans in the sink - does the weight of her sleeping body on me keep me where I am. She is tired and needs this rest, but she also sleeps deepest and best when sleeping on my chest, or on me in some way. I suppose my warmth and my pulse against her little form is a comfort to her, and so I stay. Stay here in the sweet moment, regardless of the things I need to do, and just let her sleep. I will cherish the times I chose to sit in stillness with her, rather than bustle off to the things I think are important at the time. The dirty pans have waited days anyway, what's a little more time? Time to watch my little angel sleep again, to memorize the rounds of her little cheeks and her tousled nearly-there hair - all the things that will change so quickly as she grows into the woman God created her to be. It's worth being still for her, and I'm never idle as long as I'm memorizing her.

wordless wednesday. [new specs]

new year. new ideas.

A friend of mine just posted about her New Year resolutions, except she called them goals rather than resolutions. I liked that. I like the idea that I have things that I'm striving toward as this new year dawns, not just things that I've resolved to do, period, and then as soon as I leave off one of them I feel like a failure. These 'resolutions' or goals, are works-in-progress. And that makes them feel more doable, and makes me feel less completely worthless when I forget one day or just don't have the energy another.

I have great hopes for this year, and even bigger question marks, but bottom-line is that I know that I've been blessed beyond any bit of what I deserve, and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for Jeremy and me this year. Over the last couple days I've been thinking about some of the goals I have for this year, and have jotted down the ones I think should be mentioned, that way I can come back this time next year and not see what I've failed at, but how close I've come to accomplishing some goals and how I've blown others out of the water.


Caitlin's Goals for 2012 [in no particular order]


1. Create a budget, and stick to it.
  - I've come close to doing this one right before. I never quite got into the swing of things since we've been back from Scotland, and while Jeremy and I are both making decent money I know I need to be saving. I want to create a smart and doable budget, and really be able to keep up with it, while saving the maximum amount possible per month.

2. Quiet time every morning.
  - I've always been pretty good at finding excuses not to carve out a time each day for devotions, for reading the Bible, and spending time in prayer. Now that my biggest excuse is now non-existent (not having a regular schedule; I now work Monday through Friday 9AM to 5PM), I need to get over myself and wake up just one half hour earlier than I normally would. I know this is doable, and I know it will enrich every aspect of my life.

3. Exercise regularly.
   - Before we left Edinburgh I was consistently working out three days a week, and it felt good. I know that there are other things I'd like to do that regularly rather than working out, but I need to be exerting myself in some kind of cardio activity and muscle toning at least a few days a week. I don't know what that exercise will be yet, but in light of the 15K I signed up for in May I should probably run.

4. Eat healthier.
  - I don't eat particularly unhealthily now, but I know I need to put in more of an effort. I'd like to start juicing daily and doing smoothies (but those involve appliances that I do not have), so some kind of regular raw veggies and fruit would definitely do me good.

5. Set aside one night a week as 'date night' with Jeremy.
  - This one doesn't need to be anything fancy or even necessarily cost money, but I want us to do something once a week out of the ordinary and outside of our normal watching movies on Netflix in the evenings.

6. Play and practice my fiddle regularly again.
  - I've been depressingly negligent of my fiddle since we moved home. I've been using the excuse of its natural volume when I play and the fact that we basically live in someone's house to deter me from playing, which is fair enough. But I want to purchase a mute for my bridge and begin playing again. I've still got my ten year goal in mind.

7. Write more and write often.
  - I need to be writing every single day, period. Whether it's in my journal, on my blog, or creative writing and development for my novels, I need to be putting pen to paper, so-to-speak.

8. Work on creative writing at least three times a week.
  - You may think this falls under number seven, but I would probably find my way around working diligently on my stories if I didn't specify a set amount that I need to write per week. This is very important and I need to be writing creatively as often as possible.

9. Read.
  - I got a Kindle for Christmas (thanks, Jeremy!) and I definitely want to read more. But I also want to continue academic reading related to my Master's degree. I want to try to read some amount of something Highland Studies-ish once a week, because I think I have a while to go before truly becoming a Master of Highland Studies.

10. Begin studying Gaelic again.
  - I do not want to lose my Gaelic, and I enjoyed learning the language too much to just let it go to waste. I want to start studying up on it again, to continue learning it and to create opportunities for me to use it. Tha mi ag iarraidh Gàidhlig ionnsachadh a h-uile seachdain! (I want to study Gaelic every week.)


Bliadhna mhath ùr!  Happy New Year!



Caitlin

oh my goodness.

This space needs some attention. I promise I'll return soon, dear readers! Things are still, yes, still, settling down for us. We're in a new place, have new jobs, and are cultivating some semblance of normalcy. It hopefully will soon become more than a mere semblance.
Here's a lovely shot I captured up at Mt. Mitchell the other day to tide you over.
Oh, and yes, I missed these mountains. And yes, I adore autumn.

done and done.

I can hardly believe it, but it's true. My dissertation is officially finished and turned in, there's nothing else I can add to it or change about it, even if I wanted to--and I don't, I'm done. It feels pretty good, I have to say, though there's still the small detail of whether or not I'll get a good mark on it or not. I'm pretty certain I'll graduate though, regardless of my mark (unless I wildly fail it, which I'm not anticipating), so that's pretty cool. I'm going to be a Master of something--though to be fair, I don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable calling myself a Master in Highland Studies, there's so much more for me to learn.
Here's a little peek into what the last few days looked like for me:

Hard at work, editing and honing my argument. And adding in a key element to my analysis that I didn't consider to add until this past Monday. Whoops, haha, at least I got it all in there.

I was rewarded for my diligence when Jeremy called me to tell me to look out our window at the beautiful sunset playing on Arthur's Seat and the surrounding crags. Just breath-taking.

I finished it around lunchtime on Thursday afternoon, and opted to go ahead to get it printed that day instead of fretting and overworking it that night and standing in a queue for ages waiting to get it printed and bound at the print shop. I was rather excited to be done and see it looking to lovely and professional, hence my goofy grin.

My pretentiously long and academic dissertation title, and cover page. Hah, it's not as complicated as that title makes it sound. Ooer, but don't I sound smart?

Today with my two bound copies, ready to go turn it in. A bit more subdued than Thursday, you know, being a respectable academic or some-such nonsense, and wearing my academia (and glarey) specs.


Yep, so that's it. It's done, and all I can do is wait. Well, that, and pack and pull details together so Jeremy and I can go home in two and a half weeks. Here we come Western North Carolina!

Thanks for all your encouragement and prayers during this whole process. It's been difficult and trying, but overall it's been so good, and so good for me. And this year here has been brilliant for Jeremy and I as well, we've grown and matured and learned to appreciate one another in completely new ways. All of it has been more than a blessing.

Here's to two and a half more weeks in this amazing city, let's soak up as much as we can before we're spirited away back home.


Caitlin

here and there.

This is the view from my workout. I must admit that I feel pretty lucky to have this to watch instead of the tv screens that sit atop the other machines spilling out gratuitous and disgusting images of today's most popular music videos. I get to gaze out at Salisbury Crags as I listen to my own music, sometimes the Beatles, sometimes the Avett Brothers, sometimes Cake.

I snapped this from my phone last night as Jeremy and I ventured out for an evening out with each other, rather than an evening in next to each other. The clouds billowed threateningly over Old Town, and we walked right into them, careless of the imminent rain, merely happy to be in each other's company and anticipating good conversation over a pint or two.

I also caved and decided that our date out for drinks could also include dessert of Sticky Toffee Pudding and vanilla ice cream. Plus I've been working out and can work out extra hard next time, right? Either way, it was delicious as was the time we spent together enjoying the social scene of our city.

I took this in The Last Drop, a completely touristy pub on Grassmarket, but a neat little cave-like place with nice candlelit ambiance and low ceilings. We came here for one last drink after spending most of our time just down Grassmarket in the Black Bull. I came here with my parents when they were here and Jeremy had to work that day, so we decided to pop in so he could experience it too.

We bought our plane tickets home the other day, and it's finally sinking in that we're leaving this place in a few short months. Though we are looking forward to going home to family and beginning yet another new chapter in our lives, we can't help but weep a little at the thought of leaving the city that has really come to be a home away from home for us. We've grown and experienced so much here, it will always be a formidable year in our marriage, and we'll always keep this ancient city in its own little nook in our hearts. Not knowing when we'll return is probably the biggest fear. This city is now part of our story, and I know it will have a recurring role in the future, but not knowing when that might be is disconcerting. But I know there is a plan, and that we've grown attached to Edinburgh in this way for a reason, so I look forward to its next cameo in our lives and relish the time and adventures we still have waiting for us until September 6th. So here's to Edinburgh.
Dùn Èideann, tha gaol agam ort, gu bràth tuilleadh. 




Caitlin

lately.

Lately things have been busy with nothing at all. Isn't it frustrating when you feel so rushed and busy, yet you don't really end up doing anything? You just feel anxious about the things you're not doing, or should be doing, or will be doing.
This morning Jeremy and I listened to a sermon from Jeremy's grandpa, Edmund Clowney. We have a number of sermons saved on our itunes, and when we can't make it to church for various reasons (this morning being, again, that Jeremy's back prevents us from walking anywhere too far, and Jeremy had to be at work at one o'clock to boot). This morning we listened to Pop Pop reading Phillippians 4:4-6, which has always been a favorite verse of mine. Anxiety tends to be the bane of my own existence even when I try to suppress it, but these verses reminded me of some beautiful promises I tend to forget about in my own clouds of stress and anxiety. The clouds disperse and the sun comes out, warm and gentle on my face, and I am thankful.
A couple weeks ago, Jeremy and I took a trip to Northern Ireland to visit some friends, Billy and Katie, and it was great to spend time with them, catch up, laugh, and enjoy each other's company. It is always nice to get away and do something new for a while. And we have another trip coming up quite soon as well--we leave for North Carolina in about ten days! I can't believe it's already so close, we still have some planning and packing to do. We're planning on bringing just the bare necessities for the trip, and packing full our other suitcases with things we know we won't need or use from now until we move back to NC in September. So there's still plenty to do from now until then, as well as studying for my Gaelic exam which is the day after I come back from NC, and also continuing to chip away at this dissertation topic which is finally beginning to form itself into something coherent in my mind, but not yet ready for public revelation.

A shot of Jeremy and I goofing off below Mussenden Temple near Whiterocks Beach, NI.

Last night was the fire feast of Beltane, and today, according to the Celtic calendar is the first day of summer. Jeremy and I caught a fleeting glimpse of the fire up on Calton Hill from North Bridge last night, but since I have an odd aversion to crowds and it cost money, we didn't venture up to Calton Hill for the festivities themselves. But it's another gorgeous day in Edinburgh, and I have a mind to go out an enjoy it.

Until next time,

Caitlin

the spring has returned.

I meant to write on these things soon after I got back from experiencing them, but time, it seems, never ceases to find ways to elude me and my intentions. It was this past Sunday that I finally was able to get out and enjoy what spring has brought to this city. I've been feeling it, knowing it was here for a few days, maybe a week, but I hadn't gotten the opportunity to go out and give it its due attentions. But Sunday, Sunday is a day a rest, and it was resting in the beauty and warmth that had been bestowed finally upon us here in Scotland that I intended to take advantage of. I donned a skirt, easily removable shoes, and a sleeveless shirt, as well as packing the essentials: moleskin notebook, pen, book, and music-listening device, blanket, and food and water, of course, then I trekked down to Holyrood Park and its extensive green spaces, gorgeous views, and sun-warmed patches of earth. I spread out my blanket on an appropriately unoccupied, perfectly balanced spot of shade and sun, and basked in the glory of the return of the prodigal spring. The spring cursed for leaving us once summer's warmth encroaches a little too heatedly and then again when autumn's crisp nip becomes a vicious bite with winter's arrival. But finally, that which was lost is again found and the rejoicing becomes that much sweeter for its absence and the extremes borne in that absence. I read, I wrote, and I simply reveled in the symphony of sunshine on my skin as I listened to whimsical music fit for an afternoon of such revelry. I occupied my little patch of gold for an hour or two then retired and left the spot for someone else to enjoy. With the sun still warming my face and skin, I walked the extra few minutes out of my way for the perfect finish to the first springtime frolic, a proper Mr. Whippy ice cream cone. I returned home refreshed and with a new array of very lightly evidenced freckles, not to mention on smile on my face and a satisfied sigh in my heart.

My little patch of golden springtime.

The first time these have been used this year.

The essentials.

Hoping for just a little color...

The perfect end to a perfect revelry.

Welcome back spring time! You've been missed.


Caitlin

good for the soul.

I just spent three hours talking, laughing, and reminiscing with my closest friend on Skype, and I had no idea how much my soul needed that. She makes me laugh and lifts me up more than anyone except Jeremy, and knows just what to say to keep me encouraged and confident in my studies and intellect. I got further bouncing dissertation ideas off of her than I did with professors at school. She knows how I think and knows the questions to ask to get my thinking in the right direction. And sometimes we are just insane together, and I miss those silly times in front of photobooth taking ridiculous photos of ourselves. God blessed me majorly when he gave me Chelsea as a friend, and I pray that I am as much of a blessing to her as she is to me. Thank God for bosom friends, right Anne Shirley?

One of the first photos of us taken.

One of the last photos of us together before our lives took us to separate places.

We have way too much fun.

my hairs.

They have been cut. Actually, I let Jeremy cut my hair. This isn't the first time, and he didn't do too bad. I figure, he lets me cut his hair, so why not show him the trust he shows me and let him cut mine? I realize that logic could have backfired, but fortunately it did not. I've tweaked some things here and there, but all in all I'm quite happy with it. It was time for a change, and I was honestly getting so sick of pulling my hair every time I put my bag on my shoulders. I'd have to fight to get it untangled, and it was just becoming a burden. So it's been chopped off and now I can enjoy a painless time as I shoulder my bag and head out the door.

Keep praying for Cael. Things are still unclear as to what has happened, and how serious it is.


Caitlin

a wednesday.

A few things that have made this a good day:

Feeling pretty good after taking my Gaelic test this morning.
Walking home from class in sunshine.
Seeing this on my way to meet Jeremy's aunt for coffee.

Spring is coming!

Knowing that even the snowfall last night couldn't hold back these crocuses and their spring splendor.

Having a mocha and a good chat with Aunt Tessa, and then getting to hold the three-month-old she was babysitting.
Going to see my husband at work, he gives the best hugs.
Perusing a vintage shop on the way home.
This cup of afternoon tea.

Knowing that I'm going to make a fair dent in my Traditional Narrative essay tonight.

So here's to a good day, yeah?

I also wanted to call myself out to you lot, because I have made myself a liar. In my post about my crocheted socks, I said that those would be the last creative thing I would do before I turned in my dissertation. Well, I was mistaken. The other day I started crocheting a hat, and a couple days later I had finished it without really thinking about it. Whoops. Oh well, now I have a new hat. It's quite nice actually, it's a slouchy kind of hat with nice ribbing and it's a warm brown color as well. I've enjoyed wearing it on this chilly almost-spring day--I can't bring myself to admit it's still winter, I am so ready for spring. Here are a couple snap-shots of my new hat.

On another exciting front, I was given a gift certificate to Amazon.com for my upcoming birthday, and I ordered some adorable shoes that I have been wanting, and they arrived yesterday! I've been wanting and needing some black shoes that aren't heels, and are dressy, but that also aren't ballet flats because my feet get so cold. I've been seeing these kind of shoes around for a while, and I love how classy and vintage they are. I'll be able to wear them with nearly any kind of outfit, so I'm excited to try them out.
Here's a photo of the new wardrobe addition.

It's so lovely to begin to notice spring's imminent arrival, isn't it? As I was walking to meet Aunt Tessa for coffee across the Meadows and I saw the long pathway of those mighty little crocuses, that promise of new life and color, the knowledge that the darkness is receding and light is staking it's claim upon the season again--it made me warmer somehow, even though this windy day was bitingly cold. I was warmed by the thought of spring. How beautiful is it that anticipation can have that effect? The knowledge that something better is coming, something you've been waiting for through the long winter. And it's even sweeter because we've been through this winter; spring's life and light just wouldn't be the same if we didn't have the darkness and the cold, the depth of winter still keeping its tenuous hold on us as we see the signs of springs arrival, and then that grasp finally breaks with the warm breath of spring finally returning to greet us. And we smile and laugh and remember the winter, we remember the chill and the dark, and we delight in the newness of the warmth and light.
So come, spring, I am waiting to delight in you once again.

Most contentedly,

Caitlin

guilty.

I most definitely indulged in a guilty pleasure today. The last couple days have been beautifully full of spring's promise of warmth, sunshine, and light jackets. I had to walk a mile or two to deposit some cash in the bank, and on my way back I ducked into a shop. This is no ordinary shop. When Jeremy and I first plucked up enough courage to enter one day we reveled in what we saw--we finally understood what it the metaphor meant "like a kid in a candy shop." We were the kids, and it was no metaphor--we literally were in a candy shop. No joke. This tiny wee shop has thousands of different candies and sweeties stuffed into it, protruding from shelves, hanging from the ceiling, behind glass cases--everywhere you look, there is something deliciously delectable to behold. Not only that, but they serve hot drinks and ice cream as well. Today I popped in not for any of the elaborate chocolates and truffles, nor the simple and well-known candies--I went in for the simplest of spring and summer treats. A single dollop of pure vanilla dairy ice cream with a flake stuck in it. I first tasted this heaven-in-a-cone in a coastal town in Northern Ireland (Molly or Adrian, if you're reading, can you help me out with the name of that wee town?) about seven years ago (has it been that long?!) and ever since I was smitten with the simplicity of it. The ice cream is just regular white vanilla soft-serve ice cream, and the flake is made by Cadbury and it's kind of indescribable if you've never had one. In my opinion, it's not the most amazing treat by itself, but stick it into a cone of soft-serve and you've got something completely different.
So there you have it, I indulged today. It was delicious, and it made me even more excited about the imminent weather change. These ice cream cones are usually called a 99 flake or something of the sort, because you normally only pay 99p for it. I paid £1.30 for mine, but you know what? It was totally worth it. I even managed to snap a photo with my phone before I completely devoured it for you lovely readers to enjoy--though I highly recommend enjoying one of these lovelies with sense that it not sight at some point.

YUM!

unexpected change of plans.

So I've finally updated my photo of the week for this week, I apologize for not getting up on Sunday--I've given you lovely excuses in the commentary on this week's photo, go check it out.
This past weekend was actually quite nice. I thought it would be a disaster because I had the whole day on Saturday to get work done because Jeremy was working a double and I had plenty of reading to do, and as I discovered the web-based program that lectures at UoE use to put up PDF readings and what not was down for the weekend. Again. So I had all this time to myself, and could not do what needed to be done. So after wasting a little time puttering around the internet I realized that a student is not my sole occupation, that I have a flat that has been embarrassingly neglected in the cleaning quarter for quite some time. So I cleaned. And you know sometimes when you begin to clean, you just keep thinking about more things that you could clean and tidy, and you end up enjoying it? My family used to call it beaver fever when I was young, I'm not sure why--I think it was because beavers seem the kind of animal that would enjoy tedious cleaning what with all that stick-gathering and dam-building they do. But yeah, I just kept going and cleaned pretty much our whole flat--the soundtrack to the cleaning-montage consisting of Johnny Cash and Mumford & Sons. Whenever I get 'the fever' I try to clean as much as I can, because I still remember how I usually feel about cleaning--which aren't typified by amiable feelings.
So with a clean flat, and a happy-but-tired husband at the end of the day I felt quite accomplished, even though I got zero of my reading done for the weekend. (Yes, WebCT was down on Sunday too.) And I was able to invite guests over for Monday night, and didn't have to worry about cleaning all day before they came.
Then Sunday I discovered that through Gmail you can use an internet phone that allows you to call both landlines and mobile phones in the States for absolutely free! So I spoke with my dear one, Chelsea Rose, for over an hour--and it was so good for our souls. Then Jeremy called his parents (a few times, and finally got through) and we spoke with them and his little brother, Jesse, for almost three hours! It was wonderful to be able to talk without worrying about money or time. It was great to hear their voices.
And even though yesterday was definitely not part of the weekend, last night we had Kevin and Ally Aiken over for dinner, and was so wonderful to spend time with friends, just talking and catching up--and of course enjoying some tasty home-brew (shout-out for the ginger beer they brought for me).

Even though this weekend began as a potentially-wasteful change of plans, it ended up being more fruitful than I could have hoped for. And better for our hearts than any amount of academic reading could have been. So here's to an unexpected change of plans.

Cheers,

Caitlin

i heart faces.

So I've decided to enter an iheartfaces.com photography challenge as another way to get back into snapping photos all the time, and as a way to interact with other photographers as well.

This week's challenge theme is 'Red' in honor of Go Red for Women. I chose this photo of Carlee I did for her senior portraits, because it embodies so much of what I think women should be--confident, fun, and not afraid to be silly and laugh at themselves--and that's definitely Carlee. So here you go. I'll probably be doing this every couple weeks or so, there are new challenges each week.

Enjoy. :)


Caitlin

heritage.

I was asked today if I could choose any citizenship to have in the world, what it would be. My answer was actually quite surprising to me, and will be to anyone reading this who knows me well. I thought about it, and replied,
"If you had asked me this six months ago, I would have undoubtedly said Irish, Scottish, or British. But today, honestly, I'm an American and I'm quite happy to be. I'd take dual-citizenship, sure, but I'll keep my American citizenship, thank you."
To anyone who has heard me pine away for Ireland in the last seven years since I first visited, this might come as a surprise. Don't take this wrong though, I am quite happy to be where I am right now, in Scotland learning about things that most definitely concern my heritage. But this semester my classes comprise of two subjects very interesting to me, Traditional Narrative and Traditional Gaelic Song. Through my lectures and reading so far, especially in Traditional Gaelic Song, we have looked at the idea of song and sense of place. This element is very important in Gaelic song and poetry--which are virtually interchangeable--and is something worth a closer study in understand the nature of the songs. Yesterday in class the lecturer, Dr. Margaret Mackay talked to us about what sense of place means, and she mentioned a Spanish word--pardon my forgetting the actual word--that essentially means a feeling of belonging, of home, a sense of being right where you needed to be. She then asked the class to go round and talk about what that might mean to us individuals.
Being away from family and home in North Carolina has been more difficult than I had foreseen. Coming to Scotland was the fruition of a dream I've had for a long time, and I hadn't even considered the fact that I might miss where I had come from. I knew I would miss family, but since my family is already so far spread across this green earth I didn't think much of flinging my own little family of Jeremy and myself out across the wide sea. But I'm not just a Barker anymore, I'm a Foreman and I had become embedded in that family so much that my abrupt uprooting was more jarring than I anticipated. I miss family birthday gatherings, I miss little children, my nieces and nephews running around, I miss having brothers and sisters around all the time, and I miss the occasional but always memorable encounters of sitting and just listening to Grandmother and Grandfather tell stories.
So when it came to me to speak in class yesterday, to tell about what created my sense of belonging or place I didn't hesitate in saying "family." And not only family, I said, again to my surprise, but the green sheltering mountains of the Blue Ridges in our little mountain valley. There's a sense of safety and comfort about that place, those mountains, and those verdant forests. That's not to say I haven't felt that sense of belonging elsewhere, I have, in Ireland so many years ago and here in Scotland as well. But I've realized that here is not where I really belong. My ancestors belonged here, and so it runs in my blood, but my ancestors picked up and moved in a perilous journey over the sea to make better lives for their families--I am that family, generations later, and I am thankful for their sacrifice, for their own uprooting and departure of that familiar comfort and belonging. I owe it to them to not just cast away the new heritage they created for me in coming back to the old, unimpressed with the new, but to appreciate the heritage of my immediate family and delight in coming here and discovering a new facet of who I am.
That's what I was missing before. I was so ready to go back to my deep roots and become what my ancestors were, that I forgot where my actual home was, where I really belonged.
Not only that, but in studying the culture and folk life I so longed for here, I realized that the tradition and folk culture from whence I came is in part cut from the same cloth as that of this rich place, and that I grew up knowing it and participating in it.
And so, in realizing my dream and coming to the British Isles to study and become part of its tradition I have realized that was already part of a tradition just as rich, and so very similar. If nothing else is accomplished here--though I know it will be--I am happy to finally realize what I have in my cozy, mountain-crowned corner of western North Carolina, and that I dearly miss it, my roots still aching there, with family, friends, familiarity, and belonging. I see the country of my ancestors and love it like they did, but I will not forsake what they gave up for me.
I hope this post makes sense. I am so happy with what Jeremy and I are doing here, it's an adventure that we'll never forget, it's part of who we are, it's in our blood and our connection to it is undeniable--but it's not home. We will come home after a much-needed and well-appreciated jaunt back to the roots of our heritage.
Part of my missing home is probably the fact that I'm living in a city, and not used to it. I like it, but I'm definitely more of an open-country, trees, mountains, wildlife kind of girl. Here are some things I'll be happy to see again.

Early morning mountain fog on Black Mountain's railroad tracks.

The absolute breath-taking beauty of autumn in the mountains.

The verdant green of the Carolina forest, climbing Craggy Pinnacle.

Far off views of mountains at sunset and woodland as far as the eye can see.

happy birthday!

To my dearest and closest friend, Chelsea Rose. She and I are thousands of miles apart, but still closer than ever. We've had so many ridiculously fun times--I can't wait to have more. Vegas or Edinburgh, Chels? Happy birthday, dear heart, I hope today is brilliant. Love.

zzZzzzz.

Jeremy and I finally broke down and bought a memory foam-esque mattress topper for the old, uncomfortable, spring-in-the-back, wake-up-sore mattress that came with our flat. I was seriously missing the whole box-spring and mattress thing that we Americans are used to after three months of tossing and turning sleep. Last night I didn't wake up once until my alarm went off this morning, and a snoozed waaaay too long. A comfortable night's sleep is definitely something you take for granted when you're used to getting one every night. And honestly, I'm ready to start taking it for granted again. A soft bed is one of the best things in the world. I can't wait to go to sleep tonight! (How sad is that?!)
Right, off to Cearcall Gàidhlig for some Gaelic conversation.

Oidhche mhath, Good night,

Caitlin

why the change?

I realize that this is the third or fourth time I've changed not only my blog's title, but theme and layout as well. You'll all be happy to know (and can point this out to me the next time I get the itch to change again) that I'm going back to my roots and will be sticking to them.
Black currant thoughts came about when I began this blog for as assignment during my undergraduate degree at Montreat College. I wanted a theme, and I drank tea, and--I still do really--drank it religiously, so I decided to write each post, cup of tea in hand, and the kind of tea I was enjoying would be the post title. Black currant was my favorite tea at the time, and I enjoyed the play on currant and current. Oh, how clever I am! Hah. Anyway, I ended up changing it because it got tiring to have to drink a cuppa each time I sat down to write, or I wouldn't have a post title. After a jaunt into themes such as 'to while away the time'--created to express my yearning to be in Europe somewhere doing what I am now doing--and 'i shelter in thy honour'd shade'--a lovely homage auld Rabbie Burns and the brilliant city in which I live, Edinburgh--I have decide that both of those seemed to limit me in what I wrote about and even the length of my posts. Going back to black currant thoughts means that I can have a cuppa if I feel like it, black currant or otherwise--a good Scottish breakfast does me right well in the mornings-- and it means that my web address makes sense again.
Adding in the bit about 'wrought by a compulsive thinker' gives me a feeling of being able to just write thoughts, whether they're here or there, large or small, fleeting and insignificant or deep and profound. And by 'compulsive thinker' I mean that I think entirely too much, about silly things, about things that aren't there and don't have any weight in my life at all, and occasionally I'll think about something worth it, something that makes me enjoy my over-active thinking muscle. I really do mean occasionally, and the term compulsive thinker is meant not an ounce of pretentiousness. Yes, I think a lot, yes, I think too much sometimes, but no, by no means are my compulsive thoughts the thoughts of a brilliantly intelligent brain. If anything, the times when I might have thoughts that could be categorized as brilliant or intelligent (not usually both at once) they are anything but compulsive.
So there you are, my friends, I hope this change will mean that I write more often, not being restrained by the need to post beautiful photos of Edinburgh, or pine away at the thought of being somewhere else.
I'm here, and I am happy.
Cheers.